The Hawks locker room wasn’t usually a place where people stared, but still, Dennis Schröder hesitated when he took his new garment out of his bag. He didn’t want anybody to notice what he had brought with him. Slipping the Magic Lederhosen on over his Under Armour, he tried to adjust the suspenders to the…
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Dennis Schröder 16 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (3/3/2015)
Dennis Schröder walked around in the darkness. “Where am I?” he asked of the void. His voice echoed weirdly off of unseen barriers, but he did not receive an answer, so he continued to walk. All of a sudden, a jovial voice issued out from behind him. “Guten tag, Dennis! Guten tag!” Dennis whipped around…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 16 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (2/28/2015)
Dënniß ßchrööder must have been wearing his special lederhosen underneath his jersey, because he just rammed the entirety of his secret-recipe wienerschnitzel down the throats of the unresisting Miami Heat defenders. When they were done choking that down, he followed it up with a course of authentic spätzle, and for desert, a steaming pile of…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 17 Points Full Highlights (2/25/2015)
The Mavericks’ commentators brought up an interesting point: should Dënniß ßchrööder be considered for the Most Improved Player award? Short answer: No. Long Answer: No, because MIP shouldn’t ever be awarded to a second year player, since it is expected that many rookies will improve drastically, especially young ones with refined skill sets like ßchrööder….
Read MoreDennis Schröder 15 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (1/31/2015)
Who would have thought that one of the greatest challenges to the Hawk’s perfect January would come in the form of the un-good Philadelphia 76ers? Even the most ardent Philly homers surely had circled this game on their calendar with the annotation “Do not watch: blowout certain”. We can use lots of adjectives to describe…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 11 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (1/25/2015)
Dënniß ßchrööder might actually win a ring this year as the Hawks’ backup PG. Deutschlanders will greet this occurrence with a shouted “Ja Voll!”, but the rest of us normal non-Nazi NBA fans will also be happy to see the Shredder win a ring for reasons wholly unrelated to nationalism. The only people in the…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 13 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/23/2015)
The Hawks are a pretty good team, it seems. How many wins in a row is it now? It doesn’t matter. It feels weird to me, since the last time I watched a full Hawks game they lost by 30 to the Bucks. Every part of their team is integrated fully into a role, and…
Read MoreMike Scott 20 Points Full Highlights (1/19/2015)
Mike Scott sat in an isolated corner of the locker room, his back toward the rest of his team, a black cloak over his shoulders. He appeared to be concentrating very intently on something. Curious, Kyle Korver sidled over, close enough to hear mumbled words coming out of his teammate’s mouth. “Nine of Wands –…
Read MoreKyle Korver 24 Points/7 Threes Full Highlights (1/17/2015)
“How do you not know where he is?” “There’s Kyle again, wide open. WIDE OPEN. How do you lose Kyle Korver?” “You gotta keep a man on him at all times.” “Tom Thibodeau look’s like he’s gonna go on a killin’ spree after Kyle makes yet another three.” The best part of any Hawk’s broadcast…
Read MoreDeMarre Carroll 22 Points Full Highlights (1/14/2015)
When I was watching this game, I was awestruck by DeMarre Carroll’s luscious dreads. I began to have feelings for them that I have not felt in some time. Honestly, I felt a rush that I had not felt since I first watched a George Clinton video at the age of six. Then, in comes…
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