The Knicks are really bad again this year. This keeps happening. I’ve been trying to pinpoint some of the reason’s that they are consistently disappointing even their pessimistic fanbase: – They are the Knicks – Shane Larkin is no Jose Calderon – Carmelo is always thinking about playing with Derrick Rose – Dalembert is not…
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Steven Adams 13 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (11/5/2014)
Steven Adams is from New Zealand. To celebrate his heritage, I have compiled a list of all known facts about New Zealand: -It’s newer than Old Zealand -The events described in J.R.R. Tolkien’s historical manuscript “The Lord of the Rings” took place there -People there are called Kiwis, but they aren’t green, round, and fuzzy…
Read MoreAustin Rivers 12 Points Full Highlights (11/4/2014)
Austin Rivers is probably the best current NBA player named after a fluvial landform. DownToBuck looks back on some of the other greats who shared this characteristic: Larry Lagoon: Playing for the Rochester Royals in the mid-50’s, Lagoon was known as a flashy dribbler, developing a type of proto-crossover known as the “Very Larry” which…
Read MoreAlan Anderson 18 Points Full Highlights (11/3/2014)
So, Mikhail Prokhorov might be selling some percentage of the Nets. What does this mean for Alan Anderson and the rest of his teammates? -Fewer, if any, pierogies at team functions -No more free-of-charge vodka vending machines in the locker room -Italian mafia to take over the rigging of games from the Russian mafia -Alan…
Read MoreLeandro Barbosa 13 Points Full Highlights (11/2/2014)
“Who’s gonna be that third scorer?” The Warrior’s announcer dude poses a salient question. After Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson, is there anyone who the Warriors can count on for reliable pointage? There are a few possibilities. David Lee – Averaged 20 points a couple years ago. Is there any reason why he couldn’t do…
Read MoreJames Jones 11 Points/2 Minutes Full Highlights (6/12/2014)
The Heat’s season has been reduced to the Finals commentators arguing on whether or not uneaten donuts from dinner constitute “leftovers” or “dessert”. Meanwhile, in the background and totally ignored, James Jones lights up the court for the two minutes of playing time he gets, splashing three triples. I almost expected Justin Hamilton to appear…
Read MoreRay Allen 16 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (6/5/2014)
Ray Allen is 38 years old and can still get up there to dunk. In contrast, I’m in the prime of my life and I get excited if my fingers graze the net. It would be fair to ask, “What did I do in a past life for God to punish me so?” But let’s…
Read MoreJ.J. Redick 20 Points Full Highlights (5/3/2014)
It was big news when it was revealed that J.J. Redick made his ex-girlfriend sign an abortion contract. However, in typical fashion, the lamestream media failed to get to the bottom of the story. Luckily for fans of basketball gossip, DownToBuck was on the case. I now present my findings; a sampling of some of…
Read MoreRudy Gobert 8 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (4/16/2014)
There must be some reason why Rudy Gobert didn’t get any minutes this season. I have several theories, listed in order of likelihood: -He looks like an alien from outer space who will zap you with his ray gun -He is French -He was assumed to be a mime incapable of speech (see: French) -He…
Read MoreP.J. Tucker 19 Points Full Highlights (3/23/2014)
P.J. “Pajamas” Tucker might be one of the least-heralded starters in the NBA. He brings the hustle every night and shoots over 40% from three, but there’s no hype for him. Some possible reasons for this unfortunate state of affairs: -His head is round-looking -He is old (28) and probably won’t improve much past this…
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