“Hey pretty lady, want some of my homemade Polish kielbasa?” asked Marcin Gortat, approaching a randomly-selected brunette woman at the bar. “Ew, no, jerk,” responded the woman, making a disgusted face. As Marcin turned away, disappointed but not deterred from his mission, she muttered, “Men are such pigs.” There was another woman a few seats…
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Marcin Gortat Career High 31 Points/16 Rebounds Full Highlights (5/13/2014)
What just happened? I am stunned. The ball clearly went off Jackson. Wait. Wrong game. Messed up my notecards again. Off to the archives! Okay. I’m back. I really should upgrade my technology. What just happened? I am stunned. Marcin Gortat just had the game of his life against an all-star center (heh) with his…
Read MoreMarcin Gortat 21 Points Full Highlights (5/7/2014)
Marcin Gortat is not having very good matchup luck in these playoffs. First he has to go up against DPOY Joakim Noah. After dispatching him, he now gets to face the former DPOY Roy Hibbert. Talk all you want about the recent failures of Hibbert, but the fact remains that he is 7-3 and can…
Read MoreMarcin Gortat Career High 31 Points/12 Rebounds/4 Blocks Full Highlights (2/27/2014)
There’s a trend in sports journalism of saying stuff “has an asterisk next to it”. Usually in the context of records or achievements. It means that the accomplishment is inferior or questionable in some way. Barry Bonds’ home run record? Asterisk that crap. Almost any recent baseball record for that matter? Just replace those pages…
Read MoreMarcin Gortat 19 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (1/20/2014)
Martell Webster, seated next to Marcin on the bench, decided it would be a good time to bring up his plans. “Yo Marcin, I know it’s your birthday today, so me and the guys thought we would take you out to a strip joint for some partyin’.” Marcin smiled happily. He hadn’t expected anybody to…
Read MoreMarcin Gortat 19 Points Full Highlights (11/6/2013)
How often do you think Gortat gets propositioned by chicks with the line “I want some Polish sausage”? Weekly? Daily? 10 times before he even walks into the club? It must have happened at least one time. Variants such as “I’m dying for your juicy kielbasa right now” and “I hear the Poles have the…
Read MoreMarcin Gortat 21 Points Full Highlights (2/24/2013)
As the trade deadline approached I though for sure that Marcin Gortat would get moved. He’s a good center in a league that lacks good centers; a team like the Thunder or Celtics would love to have a center of his caliber. But, alas, he remained untraded, and will rotting away on the terrible Phoenix…
Read MoreMarcin Gortat 23 Points 7 blocks Full Highlights (11/7/2012)
The Polish Hammer comes down hard, putting up 23 points and obliterating SEVEN shots out of the hands and minds of the mewling Bobkitten opposition. I would be scared too if I was going up against a seven-foot-tall member of the Polish mafia. Marcin Gortat jest najlepszy! Polska na zawsze!!!!!
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