While scouring basketball-reference for material that I can use in this description (because I’m lazy this morning), I found out that Courtney Lee is shooting 48% from three this year. Only three players are better than him: Kyle Korver (obvs) Luke Babbitt (I guess I can believe that) Rasual Butler (what) So you could say…
Read MoreTag: Memphis Grizzlies
Jordan Adams 12 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2015)
Sweet! Now I kind of know who Jordan Adams is. I kind of had in my head a short point-guardish player who really liked to shoot tons of awkward looking threes. Turns out I was thinking of Michael Adams! Silly me. As is the case with any middling rookie on a contending team, Adams doesn’t…
Read MoreBeno Udrih 17 Points Full Highlights (12/26/2014)
What’s up with Balkan people and having really tiny eyes? Bueno Beno’s face looks like it was photoshopped, that’s how small his eyes are. Toni Kukoc suffered the same problem. However, the “smallest ever NBA eyes” award goes to Marko Jaric, who actually had to use sonar to locate defenders since his eyes weren’t big…
Read MoreJon Leuer 16 Points Full Highlights (12/21/2014)
Jon Leuer looked unhappily at his reflection in the mirror. He had been noticing things for the past few weeks that were becoming harder and harder to ignore. Standing straight up, he let his face rest in a neutral position; seeing the reflected image of this made him wince. He could no longer deny it:…
Read MoreCourtney Lee 17 Points Full Highlights (12/7/2014)
Five games into the Grizzlies season, I made Courtney Lee highlights. In the description, I predicted that the Grizzlies would win all 82 games and set an unbeatable regular season record. This seemed like a fair prediction to make, since they were 5-0 at the time. Lee has kept up his level of play, but…
Read MoreJon Leuer 20 Points/1 Normal Dunk/1 Cradle Dunk Full Highlights (12/7/2014)
“Oh, she’s just adorable!” Jon enthused, holding out his arms to accept his four-month old niece, Matilda. “Be careful with her,” warned Jon’s brother. “Sometimes she pukes at weird times.” “Don’t worry. We’re best of friends, aren’t we, Matilda?” he asked the smiling baby, who giggled in response. “Yep. Bestest best friends forever, you and…
Read MoreTayshaun Prince 20 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (12/5/2014)
Tayshaun Prince scrolled through his contact list until he came upon the entry he wanted: “The Unholy One Himself, 666-6666”. Hitting the green “dial” button, he listened to the phone ring, wondering how he would phrase his request. Before he could ponder too long, the call was answered. “Keep this short, Khraakklor,” said Satan, referring…
Read MoreJarnell Stokes 12 Points Full Highlights (12/3/2014)
I have no idea what to say about Jarnell Stokes. I don’t know a thing about him. Luckily for me, I made, before the season, notecards for every player in the league that contain description-worthy nuggets of info and trivia. It’s great! Really takes the legwork out of writing these suckers, especially when inspiration runs…
Read MoreMarc Gasol Career High 32 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2014)
Marc Gasol fiddled around on his computer, but he found himself unable to stay on any one webpage for more than a minute. His mind was far and away in another place. In the kitchen, he could hear that unmistakable whirring, the siren call of the microwave, and he knew that he would not be…
Read MoreJon Leuer 19 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2014)
New nomination for the Worst Nickname Ever award: “Johnny Badger”. I don’t even have to go into the myriad ways that this nickname sucks. Every conceivable facet, every angle from which this nickname could be approached, it all looks the same: like a big pile of badger feces. Despite his nickname suckage, which is not…
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