OFFICIAL ISRAELI NBA PLAYERS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Omri Casspi 2. Gal Mekel 3. Amar’e Stoudemire Looking back at all of my power rankings, I think this might be the first one that could be considered “accurate”. There is no joke here. I’m not trying to be funny. Omri Casspi is objectively better than Gel Mekel….
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Mike Dunleavy 15 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2013)
OFFICIAL FLAT THINGS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Pancakes 2. Mike Dunleavy’s Face 3. Topography of Kansas
Read MoreDerrick Favors 21 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (11/11/2013)
OFFICIAL PLAYERS NAMED DERRICK CURRENTLY IN THE NBA POWER RANKINGS: (Brought to you by Taco Bell’s new Cheetos Explosion Grande: a burrito filled to the breaking point with Cheeto bits, fiery habanero Velveeta sauce, and a brown lumpy substance that might be animal in origin! Try one today!) 1. Derrick Favors This guy is just…
Read MoreNene 20 Points Full Highlights (11/8/2013)
Official NBA players named after birds power rankings: 1. Nene 2. Rory Sparrow 3. Robin Lopez 4. Brian Cardinal 5. Guy Sparrow 6. Robin Jones 7. Mark Crow Not a very long list, though I’m sure I missed some. And no, Larry Bird doesn’t count. Neither does Otis Birdsong. Don’t be stupid.
Read MoreAndrew Bogut 17 Points Full Highlights (10/31/2013)
OFFICIAL MOST HORRIFIC SPORTS INJURIES POWER RANKINGS 1. Clint Malarchuk (I would recommend never, ever watching this video, or even listening to the call from the booth) 2-999. Nothing else is even close to Clint Malarchuk 1000. Kevin Ware 1001. Andrew Bogut (thanks Amar””e!) 1002. Joe Theismann 1003. Shaun Livingston, may God rest his soul
Read MoreRay Allen 21 Points Full Highlights (6/16/2013)
Official Basketball Films Power Rankings: 1. Space Jam – This is an obvious one. EVERYBODY GET UP ITS TIME TO SLAM NOW WE GOT A REAL JAM GOING DOWN WELCOME TO THE SPACE JAM. 2. Semi-pro – Surprisingly good considering it had Will Farrell in it. 3. White Men Can’t Jump – That chick was…
Read MoreKevin Jones Career High 11 Points/3 Assists Full Highlights (4/14/2013)
Official Joneses Currently In The NBA Power Rankings: 1. There is no #1. They all suck. 2. Dahntay Jones 3. James Jones 4. Terrence Jones 5. Kevin Jones 6. Perry Jones III 7. DeQuan Jones 8. Dominique Jones 9. Solomon Jones Wow, that list is kind of unimpressive. But if Kevin Jones can keep up…
Read MoreIman Shumpert 18 Points Full Highlights (4/9/2013)
Official NBA Flat-Top Power Rankings 1. Iman Shumpert 2. Norris Cole 3 – 464. All other NBA players 464. Matt Carroll
Read MoreJarrett Jack 19 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (4/3/2013)
Official NBA Players Who Look Like Corey Maggette Power Rankings: 1. Corey Maggette 2. Jarrett Jack 3 – 464. All other NBA Players 465. Matt Carroll
Read MoreJohn Salmons 21 Points/5 Assists/1 Dunk Full Highlights (2/27/2013)
Official Nastiest Beards In The NBA Power Rankings: 1. John Salmons 2. Drew Gooden 3. Chris Kaman … 500. James Harden I mean seriously. Come on John, that thing looks horrible. It’s a scraggly mass of pubic hair jutting out of your chin. The reason nobody defends your three pointers is that nobody wants to…
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