San Antonio Spurs – Page 28

Patty Mills 22 Points Full Highlights (12/11/2015)

Tim Duncan sat patiently in the waiting room of San Antonio Paraphilia Rehabilitation. It had been five months since he had taken Patty to this place, but he remembered every detail like it was yesterday. The struggle, the vile words, those things had not bothered Tim too much. But when Patty had been strapped to…

Boban Marjanovic 18 Points Full Highlights (12/7/2015)

OFFICIAL 2015 NBA BIGGEST EARS POWER RANKINGS 1. Boban Marjanovic 2-423. ???????? How am I supposed to know do I look like a guy who pays attention to ear sizes to you?

Boris Diaw 16 Points Full Highlights (12/5/2015)

Boris Diaw vs. Jared Sullinger. Battle of the booties. Two big dudes with lots of donk to throw around out there on the basketball court. Biggest conflict in San Antonio since the Alamo. Which heinie would be victor? Sullinger is an up-and-coming ass-blaster (blASSter), but he was really no match for Diaw’s ass-mastery (mASStery) tonight….

Aron Baynes 11 Points Full Highlights (11/30/2015)

Aron Baynes AKA “The Big Baynger” AKA “Masturbaynestion” fills a valuable role for the Pistons: he’s a big man who can hit free throws. This means that Baynes gets to enter the game whenever SVG decides the Drummond’s free throw woes are hurting the team. As a bonus, both Baynes and Drummond have the same…

Jonathon Simmons 12 Points Full Highlights (11/27/2015)

Jonathon Simmons? I don’t know much about him, other than that he has been groomed by the Spurs organization for a couple years now, down in the D-League. That’s enough info for me to make some logical conclusions. Logical conclusion #1: He is a beast Logical conclusion #2: You can probably forget about Kawhi Leonard…

Danny Green 18 Points Full Highlights (11/23/2015)

Danny “Danny Greenger” Green has sort of been sucking to start the season, coincidentally the first season of his big-money contract that sees him collect a cool 10 mil per until he turns 31. I don’t want to be the guy who starts bringing up “contract years”, but…actually, I love being that guy. Let’s not…

Patty Mills 17 Points Full Highlights (11/18/2015)

Patty “Melt” Mills seems like a bit of a forgotten player nowadays. He was one of the most beloved players in the league when he was with Portland, I believe. His goofy three-goggles that he did all the time, his confidence off the bench even while he was getting no minutes, his underdog personality, all…

Manu Ginobili 17 Points Full Highlights (11/16/2015)

I’m beginning to think that Manu Ginobili won’t ever retire. That he has already decided to just keep playing and playing, demolishing every record from Kareem’s points to Moses’ offensive rebounds along the way, until he dies of natural causes at 92. He’s looked a little slower this year, it must be admitted. Luckily for…

Boris Diaw 17 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (4/30/2015)

I’m getting chills over here thinking about how awesome Diaw’s offensive game would be if he wasn’t so fat. It’s already pretty awesome as long as he’s engaged. Imagine him running around with thirty fewer pounds on his tubby little belly. Blake Griffin would get more exposed than he already has been. It’s not worth…

Boris Diaw 15 Points Full Highlights (4/24/2015)

Here’s a question: if nobody but stars have good performances on a given night, do I have to make highlights? I decided that yes, I do have to make at least one highlight video. So I picked the most impressive scrubformance (that’s scrub performance for you plebes out there) out of the three games that…