Darius ran frantically through the twisting halls of the Staples Center, searching in vain for his favorite teammate. “Kobe! Kobe Bryant! Where are you, man?” He paused and looked inside a trash receptacle. Not finding Kobe within, he got on his hands and knees and looked under a nearby bench. “Damn, he’s not here either!…
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Patrick Beverley 16 Points/12 Rebounds/6 Assists Full Highlights (4/24/2013)
Patrick Beverley. I know you’re reading this, you know you’re reading this, let’s get that out of the way early. DownToBuck is running a little low on funds and he needs some help from his friends in the NBA. You’re my friend, right, Patrick? Yeah. We’re bros. Just float me a few thousand bucks and…
Read MoreJR Smith 19 Points Full Highlights (4/23/2013)
“JR, man, why do you have to smoke it in that ugly thing? You look like an idiot.” “Hey, Cope, don’t talk about this pipe like that. This is a hand-me-down from my ancestors. It’s been in the Smith family for generations. And besides, I think it makes me look pretty damn classy. And everyone…
Read MoreDeMarcus Cousins 36 Points/Career High 22 Rebounds Full Highlights (4/17/2013)
Standing under the scalding water, DeMarcus cleaned himself ponderously. Thoughts were frenziedly hurrying in and out of his brain. Had he just played his last game in Sacramento? Would he like Seattle? Would that cute cheerleader Kelsee continue to cheer for the team, or would he have to leave her behind? He closed his eyes,…
Read MoreGerald Henderson 27 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (4/15/2013)
The battle raged for hours. The heroic Pictish forces of Fortriu, summoned quickly after the dragon had made its first appearance, were having no luck in piercing through its heavily-scaled body, and hope was diminishing rapidly. King Hendo surveiled the situation from his place upon his throne of gold. His loyal army, while brave and…
Read MoreMirza Teletovic Career High 14 Points Full Highlights (4/15/2013)
“Cryostation 3. This is Shengelia at cryostation 2.Come in cryostation 3.” “This is Teletovic at cryostation 3. What seems to be the problem?” “We’ve had an accident with one of the cryo-chambers. I say accident, but the evidence indicates malicious intent.” “Well, what went wrong?” “One of the cryo-chambers was found broken and leaking. It…
Read MoreCourtney Lee 20 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (4/13/2013)
feel bad for any player who had to play on that god-awful 09-10 Nets team. And Courtney Lee was actually the third-best player on that squad, which means he shoulders more of the shame than scrubs like Eddie Najera and Josh Boone. That must have been the most profoundly disheartening experience in Courtney’s life. Except……
Read MoreAl Jefferson Career High 40 Points Full Highlights (4/12/2013)
Time machines are fun. To celebrate Al Jefferson’s 40 point game, I revved mine up and set the chronometer to about a decade ago. The location I set to Prentiss, Mississippi. Luckily my newer model has patented TerraLocation technology, so I don’t have to worry about orbits and solar movements and such. Anyway, I had…
Read MoreDavid West 26 Points Full Highlights (4/12/2013)
David West is a nice player. He plays pretty good defense, though he likes to play the “tough guy” role a little too vigorously. He has a smooth jumper and some good post moves. One thing he doesn’t have, however, is fans. I’m a fan of his, so when I heard that David West would…
Read MorePau Gasol 23 Points/9 Assists Full Highlights (4/10/2013)
“And then he said, ‘I can’t play because my back hurts!’” There was a chorus of laughter. “Shut up everyone! Here he comes!” Pau and his teammates hurriedly quieted their laughter as Dwight sauntered up to the lunch table. “What were you guys laughin’ about?” he asked, suspicion evident in his voice. Kobe said quickly,…
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