“Um, Mr. Williams?” said one of the ballboys in a tentative voice. Marvin Williams smiled kindly at him as he got ready to change out of his street clothes into his game jersey. “What’s up?” The ballboy still seemed nervous; he looked down at the floor as he talked rather than directly at the person…
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Buddy Hield 28 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (3/4/2019)
A few days ago, I put Buddy (my 12-foot-tall 3D-printed naked purple plastic statue of Buddy Hield) to work making me a whole bunch of extremely high-end graphics cards for me to mine Bitcoin with, as well as a server-class motherboard to house all the cards. Well, that part of my plot to become a…
Read MoreDwyane Wade 23 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/4/2019)
Dwyane Wade walked up to Vince Carter after the final buzzer sounded. “Great game, old man,” he said as they briefly hugged. Vince nodded. “Same.” Dwyane leaned in to whisper the next thing into Vince’s ear so that they wouldn’t be overheard by prying media members who were undoubtedly eager to hear what the two…
Read MoreKelly Olynyk 25 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2019)
Kelly Olynyk slipped the red vinyl record out of its sleeve and reverently placed it on his new, never-used turntable. As he did this, many emotions flooded his mind: anticipation, nostalgia, even a little bit of fear. For the first time in many years, he was about to listen to the first and only recorded…
Read MoreTrae Young Career High 49 Points/16 Assists Full Highlights (3/1/2019)
The roof of State Farm Arena was a lonely place. But sometimes, a lonely place is just what one desires, Trae Young thought to himself as a chilly wind blew past him. He sat against one of an HVAC unit, his knees drawn up to his chest, gazing heavenward. Should he have done more? Could…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 32 Points Full Highlights (2/27/2019)
So today I decided to move forward with my plan to control over 50% of the Bitcoin network’s mining hashrate. I went out to the local used computer store and asked them if they had any spare motherboards or anything else with a PCB that I could have. The guy at the store gave me…
Read MoreKelly Olynyk 28 Points Full Highlights (2/25/2019)
Walking into the Miami-area record store, Kelly Olynyk’s eyes had to quickly adjust from the bright sunlight of the outdoors to the cool dimness of the shop. After sharing a nod with the proprietor, a young, but prematurely graying man who was behind the counter cataloging vinyl records, Kelly walked over to the vast shelves…
Read MoreJusuf Nurkic 24 Points Full Highlights (2/23/2019)
Jusuf Nurkic moved quickly to the door leading to the 76ers’ locker room. It wouldn’t do to be seen by an arena staff member and have his carefully-plotted plan interrupted before it had even begun. No, it would not do at all. Opening the door, Jusuf slipped inside the locker room, half-expecting it to still…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 34 Points Full Highlights (2/23/2019)
During the All-Star break I had some much-needed downtime to set up my new Bitcoin-mining enterprise. In case you forgot all the details from the last time I was talking about it, basically what happened is that Buddy (my twelve-foot-tall 3D-printed purple plastic naked sentient statue of Buddy Hield) built a hyper-advanced video card for…
Read MoreTaj Gibson 19 Points Full Highlights (2/22/2019)
Standing with his teammates in the huddle, Taj Gibson knew he should be listening to his coach. Normally he was attentive during timeouts, but this timeout was different. Before the game, Taj had used his status as an NBA player to covertly meet one-on-one with the Madison Square Garden employee who was in charge of…
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