Patrick “Double Patty Melt” Patterson is an underrated part of the Raptors current successes? Maybe. I don’t know. The Raptors are really good this year, I would even call them “legit”, and Patrick Patterson is always around to hit a three and then go back to the bench. If I were a contending team I’d…
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Jonas Valanciunas 18 Points/3 Dunks/4 Blocks Full Highlights (12/8/2014)
The title of the video says “3 Dunks”, but let’s be honest with ourselves here. Not all dunks are created equal. A big man catching it under the basket and hopping two inches into the air to deposit the rock is not as exciting as Gerald Green catching it at the three point line, upfaking,…
Read MoreAmir Johnson 27 Points Full Highlights (12/5/2014)
How is this even allowed? I like Amir Johnson. He’s a good player, plays with good energy, whatever whatever blah blah blah. But there is no reason why he should be allowed to wear #15 with the Raptors. That’s Vince’s number, and it always will be. When I saw Amir in those retro Purple dinosaur…
Read MoreJames Johnson 19 Points Full Highlights (12/2/2014)
I love it when commentators get salty. This time, the Kings crew is obviously a little miffed that James Johnson had a good game for the Raptors, given that his entire tenure with the Kings was notable only for being entirely ineffective. They marvel at his ability to make threes, as he only made two…
Read MoreTerrence Ross 20 Points Full Highlights (11/30/2014)
Ever since my label dropped me, I’ve been trying to get my rap career back on track. Mostly that involves me using hard drugs and accosting pedestrians for change, but I did manage to get back into my home studio to lay down some rhymes. When I say “home studio”, I actually just mean the…
Read MoreAmir Johnson 20 Points/2 Threes Full Highlights
Did anybody else get triggered by the Raptor’s throwback jerseys? The last time I saw purple and pinstripes in the same place, I was dreaming that I was being chased by a T-Rex/Vince Carter hybrid through a dense jungle made out of basketball hoops. Seeing Amir Johnson hit three-pointers while wearing it made me have…
Read MoreGreivis Vasquez 21 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2014)
Walking through the chilly park as a nighttime snow fell all around him, Greivis thought back to his upbringing in Venezuela. His grandmother had always said, if you could catch a single snowflake in your hand, you could make a wish on it. Snow was not a common occurrence in his home country, and he…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas Career High 27 Points Full Highlights (11/24/2014)
I’m trying to figure out if the Raptors are REALLY good, or just, you know, really good. Because they’ve looked like contenders so far this season, kind of. I say kind of because their roster doesn’t scream “These guys are going to win a chip and fill a hot tub full of champagne!” to me….
Read MoreBruno Caboclo 8 Points/1 Dunk Raptors Debut Full Highlights (11/21/2014)
I’m super envious right now. The last time people were chanting my name was in the school cafeteria, when they wanted me to drink a huge jug full of tomato soup and chocolate milk combined. I drank the stuff, I thought they were my friends. Then they laughed. I can still hear their mockery, even…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 17 Points Full Highlights (11/15/2014)
Jonas Valanciunas had settled in, as he often did, for a night of TV watching. His head was the only visible part of his body, as he was swathed entirely in a handmade quilt from his native Lithuania. The newly-acquired flat screen TV in front of him was a significant step up from the Soviet…
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