I just spent the last fifteen minutes frantically searching the Googs for phrases like “Do I have Alzheimer’s” and “early onset dementia” and “Alzheimer’s symptoms”. Now, thanks to all that Googling, I’m fairly convinced that I have the ‘Zheimers, and while I won’t let this be the end of DownToBuck, I’m sort of dreading the fact that my video descriptions will slowly become less insightful, and then, finally, totally incomprehensible.
Actually, maybe that’s not too much of a change. Anyway, let me tell you why I think I’ve developed dementia in my twenties.
As I do every night, I was scouring box-scores for highlightable performances. I happened to see that Shelvin Mack, the Macksturbator himself, had scored nineteen points, an eminently highlightable point total for a player of the Macksturbator’s quality. So I filed away that information in my brain for later use, even though I know now that if you were to compare my brain to a filing cabinet, the filing cabinet would be tipped over with all its contents spilled out and it would be partially melted after being dropped into a volcano, and nothing in it would be alphabetized or anything.
Flash forward to this morning. I started watching the Magic game so I could start making Macksturbator highlights, but I noticed that he didn’t appear in the box-score for that game. That’s when I sort of broke down a little bit. I scrolled through all the teams that played last night, but I couldn’t recall Mack being on any of their rosters. After crying for a bit, I ended up just clicking through each box-score until I came to the Grizzlies-Jazz game. I thought I had it figured out, because I remembered Mack being on the Jazz, but then the first clip of him had him in a Grizzlies jersey instead.
I had no memory of Shelvin Mack playing in Memphis. None. I probably had that memory at some point, but the ‘Zheimers took it away from me. I went ahead and made the highlights, but the entire time I felt this sick sense of shame that my encyclopedic NBA knowledge had been shown to have holes in it.
Right now I’m packing up most of my important possessions (including Japurri and my purple Buddy Hield statue). Once I do that I’m going to drive to the local nursing home and demand that they give me a room. That way I can live out the last seven decades of my life as a confused, useless fleshbag who has no concept of yesterday or tomorrow. Hopefully the internet is fast there so I can keep uploading videos until I no longer remember how to edit videos or even that I have a YouTube channel at all.