Beno Udrih 16 Points Full Highlights (11/11/2014)

I love doing highlights of foreign players. There is one inalienable truth about NBA highlights: citizens of a country who has produced an NBA player will watch any highlight of that player even if they don’t really like basketball. This holds true for any foreign national who has ever been in the NBA. Except Beno…

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Iman Shumpert 18 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

Iman Shumpert sure chose a good time to start being a good offensive player, right as the rest of his team is imploding. Even the Zen Master himself cannot make JR Smith learn the triangle. The Knicks might be last in the league in BSPT (Bright Spots per Team, my new advanced stat for measuring…

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Lavoy Allen 12 Points/15 Rebounds Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

I don’t get why Lavoy “My Boy” Allen can’t replace Luis Scola in the Pacers lineup (when they’re fully healthy, of course). They both can shoot midrange jumpers, and Luis is no longer nearly as automatic as he once was (Lavoy was never automatic as far as I know). I don’t know if Lavoy plays…

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Enes Kanter 18 Points/1 Three Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

When not torturing/murdering its own people or attempting to censor the internet, Turkey keeps itself busy by making basketball players for American consumption. This is a shrewd move, as it keeps the masses distracted from the problems that plague the country: -Rampant governmental corruption -Widespread unemployment -A spineless media -Governmental ignorance of environmental concerns Consume…

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Dennis Schröder 14 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

Dënniß ßchrööder has been turning heads lately. First with his huge dunk on the Spurs, second with two separate career highs against the Knicks, and third with that diseased patch of hair that he has. He should go to the doctor to get that checked out. Anyway, he’s been playing very well after an uninspiring…

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A.J. Price 22 Points Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

I made AJ Price highlights, once, a long time ago. 23 points, a bunch of threes. It was an outlier of a performance back then, his only decent game that season. I didn’t really expect to be able to showcase his basketball talents again. No great loss; once is enough for a player like this….

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Ryan Anderson 32 Points/8 Threes Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

Ryan Anderson was hard at work. He had always like to tinker with things, even before he discovered his proclivity for basketball. His landlord had complained when he built his underground workshop underneath the tony condo complex he lived in; a couple million dollars was enough to alleviate any concerns. The builders always asked him…

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Chris Johnson 16 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (11/9/2014)

I always assumed that Chris Johnson’s full first name was “Christopher”. That’s a fair assumption, right? Wrong. His name is actually spelled “Christapher”. From now on, I’m going to use his full name whenever I have to reference him (which is approximately once every never) so that I don’t cause confusion with either a.) the…

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Jae Crowder 15 Points Full Highlights (11/9/2014)

Does anybody else have a strong, almost primal urge to cuddle with Jae Crowder’s dreads? Jae Crowder himself I don’t care about, but those things on his head…I would just love to wrap my face up in them. I bet they’re soft like a baby bunny. They probably smell nice too. If the Mavs ever…

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Wesley Matthews 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (11/9/2014)

“No, that’s not right…” Wesley mumbled, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his vibrantly-plaid button-down shirt, exposing his dark chest hair. “That’s better.” Journeying to his closet, he picked out a pair of black jeans from his high-school days. His mom had admonished him when he had…

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