I had this big whole story typed out involving Jabari Parker turning 21 and thus being able to drink legally, except that he’s Mormon so he can’t. His teammates were being real dicks to him, let me tell you, in this story. I don’t want to give away too much, but there was a scene where he had the tube-end of a beer bong taped to his mouth.
There was also a joke about how he can’t drink coffee either.
Then I remembered that last time I wrote a story making light of Jabari’s Mormon beliefs, a bunch of people got all pissy like I should be treating religion with respect or something. So I deleted the whole thing. I hope you guys are happy.