“Dear Father,
I hope this correspondence finds you well, but maybe it won’t, because I think I saw your face in a news report showing the recent protests in Mostar. Remember, the head that sticks out farthest is the one that gets chopped off first. You taught me that so many years ago, and that wisdom has been always useful. Don’t forget it yourself! As always, send greetings and love to my beloved Lucija, her illiteracy makes any letters I write to her myself meaningless.
Things are going well for me here in the United States. I know that news of my doings can be hard to come by, but I am leading the entire NBA in three-point field goal percentage! If the name Stephen Curry means anything to you, well, I am better than him. Tell your coworkers at the steel mill that I am bringing glory to our family name.
Worryingly, it has come to my attention that during the live television broadcasts of my games, they place the camera very closely on my face. I am not an ugly man (taking after Baba more than you! haha I am joking), but this means that all over the world people can see how dire my hair situation has become. No, don’t bother sending more ointments and balms to try and lift the gypsy curse placed on our family.
I had been in contact with a Frenchman named Evan Fournier who claimed to hold secrets to hair restoration. He claimed that he, like me, also had been cursed by Algerian Berbers to a life of baldness, but had found a cure. He sent with his latest letter a picture of himself, seeming to have a full head of hair, with growth where there had been only empty scalp. I admit, I felt joy in my heart, with visions in my mind of a new Bojan with long hair flowing to his shoulders, like a girl.
However, when I saw him on TV not one week later, it was apparent that his “cure” was nothing but lies. He was as bald as ever, perhaps with a slight dark tint. I am thinking that his remedy was nothing but permanent marker applied to the skin! Maybe that would work for him, but for me, I want real hair. Is that so much to ask? May a curse fall upon the whole nation of gypsies who cursed us so.
Your loving son,
-Bojan”