It was a real pleasure to watch Mitchell Robinson turn Joel Embiid into his bitch by dunking on him, layupping on him, and blocking his weak layups attempts. Not only did Robinson make Embiid wear a bitch diaper, but he made Embiid poop in the bitch diaper, and then he made Embiid eat the poop…
Read MoreDay: February 14, 2019
Malik Beasley 21 Points/1 Ejection Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
It’s much more fun to imagine Malik Beasley getting ejected for straight-up punching a ref, or straight-up punching a fan, or straight-up punching Michael Beasley (where is he now, is he even on a team?????), or straight-up punching anybody else in the arena, including himself, than to know how he actually got ejected. Ready for…
Read MoreCollin Sexton 24 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
Everyone knows by know how much advanced stats hate Collin Sexton. If advanced stats were a person and not ironclad facts of a mathematical nature, it would fair to call them a “hater”. Any look at basketball-reference or ESPN or one of those esoteric NBA stats blogs where they actually have degrees in statistics and…
Read MoreJeff Green 23 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
There’s a lot NBA highlight channels these days. Way, way more than when I started this fool’s errand. I’ve lost track of all the ones that keep springing up, of all the ones that had once sprung up but have now unsprung themselves back into oblivion (and I swear a few of them, like my…
Read MoreDion Waiters 20 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
Honest question: can Dion Waiters even dunk anymore? A cursory look at basketball-reference says that he hasn’t even attempted a single dunk this season. That, by itself, doesn’t mean that he necessarily CAN’T. But it’s not a good sign, just like him only dunking three times last season isn’t a good sign. But at least…
Read MoreBuddy Hield 25 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
It’s Valentine’s day. That fact doesn’t matter so much to me, since my steadfast refusal to become involved romantically with women means that I have nobody to celebrate this so-called “holiday” with. However, on this most romantic and cuddly of nights, I start to wonder about my 12-foot-tall 3D-printed sentient naked purple plastic statue of…
Read MoreRobin Lopez 25 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
Over the last few games, Robin Lopez has been outscoring his eternal nemesis since birth, Brook Lopez. As far as I can tell, this statistical anomaly is made possible by the fact that Robin has a coach who still foolishly thinks that having a bigman play around the basket is a GOOD thing. Pffpfpfpft. Pft….
Read MoreJoe Harris 25 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
I’m getting myself hyped for Joe Harris in the three-point contest. I know, as a Bucks fan, that I should be rooting for Khris Middleton, but that dude doesn’t even really deserve to be there (Davis Bertans fans keep calling me out for not bringing up his shootout snub so here we are: Bertans got…
Read MoreJake Layman 17 Points Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
True NBA fans will note the similarities this game by Jake Layman has to Layman’s NBA debut, which was a 17-point explosion against the Warriors. That game was played in garbage time, with Layman getting a bunch of buckets against whatever scrubs inhabited the Warriors’ bench back then. This time around, it was Layman turning…
Read MoreJeff Teague 27 Points/12 Assists Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
It looks like, for the time being, Jerryd Bayless is done ruining my life. His line in this game: 0 points (that’s what happens when you don’t take a shot) and 1 assist in 11 minutes. At least one of my prayers to all the various deities I was praying to was answered, if not…
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