Tomas Satoransky 17 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

Ever since John Wall got injured, I’ve been trying to figure out what the Wizards’ long-term plans are. Since plans for the team as a whole are completely opaque to me at this point (playoffs? tanking? neither? both?), I’m mostly just thinking about their plans at the point guard position since that’s easier for me…

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Jaylen Brown 22 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

We were such fools to think that a player who shoots 65% from the free throw line could ever be a good three-point shooter. Such fools! Such astounding foolishness! It is a well-known adage that “he who sucks from free will suck from three”. Jaylen Brown’s near-40% three-point shooting last season was simply a statistical…

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Terry Rozier 26 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

I am currently choosing to ignore everything that Terry Rozier is doing this season so that my last real memory of him can be him dominating Eric Bledsoe for a whole playoff series and showing up to one of the games in a Drew Bledsoe jersey. I suggest that Celtics fans do the same. They…

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Dennis Schröder 24 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

Does anybody even remember/care about the fact that Dënniß ßchrööder has a felony on his record after he beat the tar out of some dude with his posse? There was some talk that he could get deported for it. I’m pretty sure that the US Government would want to avoid the media circus that would…

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Royce O’Neale 17 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

Before you ask me, the answer is “no”. I do not know why the video feed for this game was so screwed up. Every few seconds there’s this huge jagged line of mangled pixels running across the whole screen, getting in the way of the hot Royce O’Neale action that you willingly signed up for….

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De’Aaron Fox 23 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

Why do the Kings keep losing? I was looking forward to them making the eighth seed and breaking their neverending pattern of badness that has persisted since I started really paying attention to the NBA about a decade ago. This loss puts them squarely at .500, but being squarely at .500 isn’t good enough in…

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Ante Zizic 17 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

I’m really starting to feel this Ante Zizic-Cedi Osman connection that seems to be developing. Maybe I’m suffering from recency bias due to the fact that Osman assisted Zizic four times in this game alone, but the Balkan Bros’ chemistry definitely seems like a real thing and not just me making up narratives in order…

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Cedi Osman 19 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

Cedi “Bootleg LeBron Replacement” Osman could very well be on the fringes of the MIP Improved Player race this season, and I’m not just saying that because the Cavaliers broadcast had a fancily-made graphic that convinced me of the legitimacy of his candidacy. Okay, so maybe the fancy graphic did sway me a little bit,…

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Collin Sexton 28 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/11/2019)

After the Cavaliers’ surprise win over the Raptors, led by a 28/5 statline from Collin Sexton that falls into the “actually good statline” category, I have taken the liberty of tabulating a list of people associated with the Raptors and their emotional state right now. kyLe LLLLLory: in shambles Kahi LLLLLLeonard: Plotting with uncLe on…

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