Jonas Valanciunas stared at his TV in confusion. A smorgasbord of snacks lay forgotten on the coffee table in front of him; tortilla chips, buffalo wings, and mini red velvet muffins alike went uneaten as the large Lithuanian struggled to comprehend the onscreen action. His fifty-inch plasma TV displayed a scene of utter chaos as the Toronto Blue Jays played a spring training game against the Arizona Diamondbacks.
“Why do you stand! Why do you not run? They not expecting you to running now! The ball thrower just stands there with the ball! Quick, before the man hitting it!”
Jonas’ entreaties for the man on second to steal third went unheeded. Instead, the pitch was thrown, and the ball was hit into the outfield. In response, Jonas clapped happily, causing the Old Milwaukee can in his hand to splosh onto the carpet. “Yeah! There we going! Just keep running! Keep running! Come on you fatty, my senelė runs faster!”
However, the ball was caught, and the batter was out. “WHAT? Why he stop running?” Jonas yelled as he watched the player walk back to the dugout. “GO TO THE HOME PLATE! NO! NO! HE HIT BALL! HOW MANY POINT DO WE GET?” When the score didn’t change, it only furthered Jonas’ enragement. Grabbing the Blue Jays cap off his head, he threw it at the TV. “HE HIT IT GOOD BUT WE GET NO POINT! BASEBALL COMISSIONER WANT TO PUNISH PLAYER WHO HITTING BALL HARD!”
Sitting back down, Jonas swigged down his ninth can of beer to erase the sting of the injustice. It was only the second inning, but he was already getting a little drowsy.
“Time for Jonas’ afternoon nap,” Jonas mumbled to himself, lying down across his sofa. Pulling a multitude of blankets over his tall body, he wearily grabbed a yogurt-dipped pretzel rod. “Go Blue Jays. Interleague play ruined baseball,” he murmured, parroting the one nugget of information that DeMar had given him regarding the sport. As Arvydas, Jonas’ cat, hopped up to sit on his owner’s blanket-cocooned body, Jonas’ eyes sagged, and he drifted off to the sound of soft purring and the crack of the bat.