Things must be getting frustrating for Jahlil Okafor. Coming off a very successful high-school and college career only to be trapped on the worst team in the league/worst team ever? Even the most even-tempered players would get annoyed with the amount of non-winning that is going on in Philly. Not to mention one of the most talented prospects in the draft, a guy who got where he is by never accepting defeat, always pushing himself harder and farther.
Sometimes, it gets to be too much, and you just gotta punch a dude.
That’s where I come in! I am offering my extremely punchable face for Jahlil’s personal use, for a mere $1000 per month. A single payment on the first day of the month, I follow him around wherever he goes, and he gets to hit my face whenever he wants. No questions asked, and he can cancel at any time. Just shooting around before a game and then, BAM!, a haymaker right on my jaw. Way better than punching fans, or teammates, or referees. I promise not to press charges, even if he takes it a little far and winds up inadvertently delivering a few kicks to my noggin. Kicks aren’t included in the package, but I understand his frustration with this whole tanking business.