DownToBuck sits happily in front of the TV, eager to partake in the season’s most beloved tradition: watching five NBA games back-to-back while drinking eggnog and eating treats. Pulling his velvety Bucks throw blanket over him, there is nothing than can pierce through his joy. An entire plate of impeccably-frosted cookies is consumed before the pregame festivities can conclude.
DTB’s good mood is so impenetrable that even a low-scoring game between the Heat and Pelicans only makes him more excited for the basketball to come. In a far-back corner of his mind, though, he notes that there were few good role-player performances in the game. This thought is dispelled as quickly as it arrived when his cat, Japurri Purrker, is overcome by envy at his owner’s comfy blanket and hops up on the couch to join him.
Japurri receives many ear-scritches as the Bulls defeat the Thunder. DTB reminds himself how lucky he is to be able to watch Kevin Durant in his prime. So awed is he by Durant’s impressive statline that it does not even occur to him that the best-performing non-star of the game was Enes Kanter scoring just fourteen points.
The Warriors-Cavaliers contest is not a high-scoring shootout as DTB had hoped. By now he is deep into his carton of eggnog, and he has begun to supplement the drink with a little something extra from his liquor cabinet. Watching Curry’s sub-par game saddens him, but seeing Shaun Livingston score sixteen points on a wide variety of jumpers allows the smile to return to his face. However, he knows that two teams scoring in the eighties will not result in a lot of Christmas highlights.
The low-scoring trend continues in the final two games of the evening, games which are utterly bereft of any sort of contribution from scrub-level players. Japurri purrs happily, having claimed a large amount of blanket for himself, but DTB crams a handful of cookies in his mouth, overcome with self-pity. The Lakers-Clippers game ends with just one player on the Lakers scoring more than twelve points.
DTB stands up from the couch and stumbles a little bit. “Merry Christmas to all my subscribers,” he whispers to his silent living room. A tear splashes the carpet.