What if I told you that there was an NBA player who scored eighteen points in a quarter despite having an odd-looking jumpshot? Would you believe me? I wouldn’t believe me if I was told that. Do not doubt anymore, peons! Avery Bradley is that player, and what we have is visual evidence of his…
Read MoreAuthor: downtobuck
Jorge Gutierrez 10 Points Full Highlights (3/21/2014)
With Gustavo Ayon out for the rest of forever due to drinking the water in Mexico, Mexican NBA fans need a new object to direct their nationalistic fervor upon. Is that object Jorge Gutierrez? Yes. There’s no other choice. Mexican nationalistic fervor is renowned for being very intense. If it is not released onto Mexican…
Read MoreAmar’e Stoudemire 22 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (3/21/2014)
That fat lady is still up there, singing her heart out. Amar’e Stoudemire still has something to offer a team. Is that team the Knicks? Probably. His unique skillset of not playing defense and getting hot once every other game is well suited to the Knicks. If he got traded to, say, a contender, they…
Read MoreGiannis Antetokounmpo 11 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (3/20/2014)
In order to better understand the struggles that Giannis Antetokounmpo undertook in order to come to the USA to play basketball, I have uprooted my entire life and am now living in Greece. You may now call me by my Greek name, ΦθψηΤθβμξκ. The main difference between my and Giannis’ situations is that he is…
Read MoreDrew Gooden 18 Points Full Highlights (3/20/2014)
Drew Gooden just keeps having good(en) games. I don’t know how this is happening. I saw how bad he was in his last year in Milwaukee. I figured he was done. He’s not. Eventually his hot outside shooting will cool off. Probably. But that’s what I’ve been thinking for the past few games and it…
Read MoreChandler Parsons 19 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/20/2014)
Chandler walked into the locker room after the Rocket’s dominating win over the lowly Timberwolves. He was the only one there, as this was the VIP locker room, only for the best guys on the team. He sensuously took off his shirt, sweat dripping from his perfect muscles. His shorts went next, leaving him clad…
Read MoreMatthew Dellavedova 11 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (3/20/2014)
“Oy! I just put some shrimp on the barbie!” yelled Spencer Hawes as he dug into the shrimp that came with his gigantic steaks. The rest of the team laughed as Spencer ate without regard for cleanliness or manners, except for Matthew Dellavedova, who sat sullenly without food in front of him. “Hey, Delly, Outback…
Read MoreDonatas Motiejunas Career High 20 Points Full Highlights (3/20/2014)
There’s apparently a lively, ongoing debate among the Houston Rockets commentator crew which was brought to the fore in tonight’s game. The topic: should Donatas Motiejunas shoot threes or not? There are arguments both ways. D-Mo is definitely capable of three-mo. Though he’s not really effective anywhere other than the corners. On the other hand,…
Read MoreXavier Henry 24 Points Full Highlights (3/19/2014)
Xavier Henry was a cool redemption story early in the season, wowing Lakers fans with a reckless driving attack and murderous dunks (R.I.P. Jeff Withey). But then he got injured and the world forgot about him again. Until now. Behold as Xavier scores 24 points on a mere 22 shots! Witness as well the sick…
Read MoreRoy Hibbert 20 Points Full Highlights (3/19/2014)
Am I the only one who takes joy in the Pacers’ recent struggles? I don’t like it when teams do well. I would rather they suck so that I can make fun of them. Then, when it turns out that they were just in a slump, I can pretend that I never wrote any of…
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