The evil Dr. Exosphere rubbed his hands together eagerly. “Yes, yes…my creation is almost ready to be unveiled!” Inside the giant test tube, a humanlike form floated in a pseudo-placental fluid. “Just one more dose of the growth hormone, and he will be ready to take the court! Basketball domination will soon be in my…
Read MoreAuthor: downtobuck
Jose Calderon 23 Points/7 Threes/9 Assists Full Highlights (12/20/2013)
“Hey Jose, put on this sombrero!” Jose Calderon tried to decline the Mexican-styled hat. “No, no, Dirk, sombreros are not really part of my culture.” But the wide-brimmed article was placed on his head anyway. “Yeah! Wooooo!” Monta Ellis shouted, holding up a hard-shell taco in one hand and a cup of Baja Blast in…
Read MoreBrandon Jennings 26 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/20/2013)
Brandon “Swaggy B” Jennings is pretty much the second coming of Baron Davis. Both can put up gaudy scoring numbers while shooting poorly from the field, and both can get some nice assist totals when they feel like it. Of course, I’m talking about prime Baron Davis; today’s Baron Davis is a donut-laden, flannel-shirt wearing…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 18 Points Full Highlights (12/20/2013)
It was a hard practice. Jonas Valanciunas was feeling the effects of the last set of sprints. Practicing some post moves against Amir Johnson, he became more and more lethargic, until he collapsed on the hardwood, clutching his chest. The assistant coaches ran over to where Jonas lay, writhing. “Jonas, what’s wrong?” “I…can’t…breathe! I feel…like…
Read MoreBen McLemore Career High 20 Points Full Highlights (12/20/2013)
R.I.P. Ben McLemore You will be missed.
Read MoreMirza Teletovic Career High 18 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (12/20/2013)
Mirza “Bosnian Ryan Anderson” Teletovic just keeps setting career highs. Well, to be fair, he only tied his career high this time. Still pretty good. And it only gets better: he actually did set a career high in threes made, with six. He’s finally turning into the deadeye shooter we all thought he was going…
Read MoreReggie Jackson 18 Points Full Highlights (12/19/2013)
Looks like Reggie Jackson has been watching a little too much Russell Westbrook. Those pull-up jumpers aren’t good shots, even if they do go in. Just because Russ does it doesn’t mean he should. But the other stuff he did against the Bulls was great. Crossovers, dunks, threes, scoop shots, 6 turnovers. I’m too lazy…
Read MoreJohn Henson 20 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2013)
John Henson was pretty clutch against the Knicks. Game-tying putback with .3 seconds left? Sweet pea soup. But he was also pretty unclutch. Missing a potential game winning jumper? Eh, I guess the Bucks are tanking, so it’s cool. Of course, he should never, ever, be taking jumpers at this stage in his career. He…
Read MoreBeno Udrih 21 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/18/2013)
Beno “Bueno” Udrih is the proud owner of the lamest haircut in the NBA. “Lack of haircut” would actually be a better term. Bueno, you know I respect your PG skills, and I still think you’re a viable starter on a team that doesn’t need scoring out of the point guard position, but I was…
Read MoreBrandon Knight Career High 36 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (12/18/2013)
Brandon Knight hacked his way through the dense growth of the jungle floor. Slashing with all of his might, his machete cut a path straight through the brush, enabling his feet to tread a path that no human had tread for, perhaps, centuries. Finally, pushing aside two large palm fronds, he was upon his goal:…
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