The Magic’s new slogan seems to be “That’s Pure Magic”. It appears to be most often used after a spectacular basketball play made by a member of the team. It was applied to Aaron Gordon after he made a three-pointer. Now, a shot from that distance is definitely a laudable achievement, but it hardly qualifies…
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Chris Kaman 12 Points Full Highlights (11/6/2014)
Chris “Kaveman” Kaman is definitely the most hobo-looking guy in the NBA. I don’t think it’s close at all. Josh McRoberts could give him a run for his money if he just failed to wash his hair for a few weeks, but Chris will always retain the edge in bald spot possession. This is one…
Read MoreCory Joseph 18 Points Full Highlights (11/6/2014)
If I were a TNT executive I’d be calling Alan Silver right now and demanding a sincere and groveling apology. I go through all the trouble to choose a nice in-state matchup between two good teams and some fatheaded coach has to go and sit his stars? Viewers want compelling superstars and Shaq making a…
Read MoreSteven Adams 13 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (11/5/2014)
Steven Adams is from New Zealand. To celebrate his heritage, I have compiled a list of all known facts about New Zealand: -It’s newer than Old Zealand -The events described in J.R.R. Tolkien’s historical manuscript “The Lord of the Rings” took place there -People there are called Kiwis, but they aren’t green, round, and fuzzy…
Read MoreBrandon Davies Career High 20 Points Full Highlights (11/5/2014)
The most notable thing to ever happen to Brandon Davies is when he got suspended from BYU for a large part of a season (including the NCAA tournament). Given my ingrained racial biases, I would have assumed that he stole some crab legs from a supermarket or smoked hella weed. Surely he would have to…
Read MoreEnes Kanter 18 Points/1 Three Full Highlights (11/5/2014)
Add Enes Kanter to the list of people who are victims of this three-obsessed league. When will the madness end? Last year’s vaunted Favors-Kanter duo didn’t really work out. Traditional big-man pairings like that one aren’t effective anymore; at least one of the two bigs has to be able to shoot from outside, or the…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 9 Points/1 Dunk Full Highlights (11/5/2014)
Dënniß ßchrööder is the kind of guy who raises many questions. Why does he have a gold patch on his hair? Is it mold? Can he shoot? If not, is he the next Rajon Rondo? Why did he lose his spot in the rotation last year to Shelvin Mack? Can he dunk? And, most critically,…
Read MoreJeff Green 20 Points Full Highlights (11/5/2014)
After the release of the smash hit “Jeff Green Rap” in June, DownToBuck had been riding high. Cocaine, prostitutes, cars with fancy wheels, he had it all and more. The dope flow of such passages as: Drafted fifth overall seven years ago / He should be in his prime, you know / If your eyes…
Read MoreSolomon Hill 14 Points Full Highlights (11/5/2014)
I have learned my lesson. If a scrub gets a career high, but it seems likely that he will score more points than that in the near future, I refrain from putting “career high” in the video title. For example, this is Solomon Hill’s career high. Of course it is, because he never got any…
Read MoreCourtney Lee 22 Points Full Highlights (11/5/2014)
So, the Grizzlies are 5-0 to start the season. Raise your hand if you accurately predicted that this is how their year would start. I see you behind your monitor with you hand raised. Yes, you! You’d better put that hand back down before I burst out through your monitor to kick your ass. I…
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