What is that thing on Marreese Speights’ head? Oh god. It doesn’t look good, whatever it is. I Googled “Marreese Speights thing on head” (thanks autocomplete), but it didn’t shed any light on the matter. I hope it’s not cancer. Anyway, despite his disgusting cranial deformity, Marreese Speights had a career night against the team…
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Patrick Patterson 22 Points Full Highlights (2/10/2014)
Patrick Patterson has bounced around the league quite a bit since being drafted by the Rockets. Why was he traded for Thomas Robinson? He’s way better than that guy. I get that he wasn’t a good fit on the Kings and so he played like crap. He’s not a great fit on the Raptors either,…
Read MoreMarco Belinelli 20 Points Full Highlights (2/10/2014)
Marco Belinelli sat on his couch, laptop in lap, glass of Merlot in hand. Directing his browser to youtube.com, he searched “marco belinelli, today”. He always liked to keep track of what people were saying about him on various social media sites. As usual, some unrelated stuff came up first. Random Spurs videos with him…
Read MoreVictor Oladipo 23 Points Full Highlights (2/9/2014)
Earlier in the season Michael Carter-Williams seemed to be running away with the ROY race. But he’s hit the fabled “rookie barrier made of bricks”, and has been playing pretty badly lately. I’m not saying Oladipo should win rookie of the year; I’m just saying that it’s not as clear-cut as it was previously. Although…
Read MoreChris Johnson 14 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (2/9/2014)
Chris Johnson stood in the checkout line, filling out a form for the supermarket’s loyalty program. The store was convenient to his house, so he figured that a few dollars of savings here and there would pile up in the long run. When he handed back the form, the checkout clerk’s eyes grew wide when…
Read MoreMason Plumlee Career High 22 Points/5 Dunks Full Highlights (2/9/2014)
I don’t even know who Brook Lopez is. Is he a basketball player? It doesn’t matter. Mason Plumlee is the future. He is the light that will guide the Nets out of the darkness. There’s just one problem. He turns really pink out there. Like, Gordon Hayward levels of pinkness. After a few minutes of…
Read MoreChris Kaman 27 Points Full Highlights (2/9/2014)
Chris Kaman plays like how I would if I were a 7 foot tall hick from Michigan. Post moves! Lefty, righty, it doesn’t matter. He can do them both equally well. Midrange jumper? Doesn’t matter if he’s not set, he can fade any direction to get that shot up. Defense? Who needs it? Harder defense…
Read MoreNick Calathes 17 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (2/9/2014)
Nick Calathes has been looking a lot better ever since Conley went down and he got to be the starter. Maybe he just needs consistent minutes to be successful? I might have to revise my earlier statements about him. He might be an actual NBA player after all. His hairline, though, is still awful.
Read MoreMarvin Williams 23 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (2/8/2014)
You would think that a former second-overall pick would be more popular, but I have reached the conclusion that there exists not a single fan of Marvin Williams. At most, there are fans of the Jazz who appreciate Marvin as a decent role-player; but there is not one person in the world who likes Marvin…
Read MoreNate Wolters Career High 19 Points Full Highlights (2/8/2014)
There are no bright spots on the Milwaukee Bucks season. There are merely spots where the all-encompassing blackness is, perhaps, slightly less omnipresent. Nate Wolters is one of those spots. He’s been playing pretty good for a rookie. Forget about the fact that he’s actually older than Brandon Knight (who is already considered a crappy…
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