Patrick Patterson. I’m pretty sure he’s a basketball player, and I think he plays for the Houston Rockets. No, wait, that’s Marcus Morris. These alliterative names sure do confuse me. Huh? You say Patterson -is- on the Rockets? Okay. So here we see this guy named Patrick don a Rockets jersey and score 22 points,…
Read MoreTerrence Ross Career High 19 Points/4 Huge Jams Full Highlights (11/27/2012)
Remember Vince Carter? Of course you do. He’s only the greatest dunker of all time. His tenure with the Raptors featured some of the greatest jams the world has ever seen. But after his acrimonious departure, a void was left in the hearts of Canadians everywhere. A void previously occupied by amazing slamma-jammas. But weep…
Read MoreErsan Ilyasova 18 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2012)
Ersan Ilyasova AKA The Ersanator AKA Turk Dirk AKA Arsen Ilyasov the 30-year-old Uzbek has sucked very bad so far this year. The internet is flooded with angry fantasy owners who expected the ILL-man to continue his production from last year, but instead got a pasty blob of inability. He can no longer shoot or…
Read MoreCaron Butler 33 Points/9 Threes Full Highlights (11/26/2012)
Time for impersonations. Guess who this is: BINGO! BIIIIIINGOOOOOOOO! OH MEEE OH MY! It’s the Clippers’ insufferable and moronic colorman Ralph Lawler! Caron Butler had a devastating performance and set a record for three-pointers made by a Clipper, but it was all ruined by Lawler’s childish catchphrases and grating diction. I’m all for having fun…
Read MoreKevin Seraphin 18 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2012)
Seraph – n. A celestial or heavenly being in Abrahamic religions. From Hebrew śərāfîm, “burning ones”. Pl. (-aphs, -aphim or -aphin). Well that’s pretty bad-ass. You play the Wizards, not only do you have to go up against one winged celestial being who may or may not be on fire, you have to go up…
Read MoreBrandon Knight 26 Points Full Highlights (11/26/2012)
He turned his gaze inwards. What was there to see, here, deep in his own psyche? At first, nothing. Nothing but a vague blurry lightness. Slowly, steadily, the haze condensed and reformed, revealing what had previously been hidden. A glimmering radiance, his inner essence, an immortal being of pure white. It was his soul! He…
Read MoreHasheem Thabeet Career High 13 Points/10 Rebounds First Career Double-Double (11/26/2012)
Hasheem “Tha Bust” Thabeet is notable for being one of the biggest busts of all time. I mean, how can a guy who is 7-3 take 165 attempts to record 10 points and 10 rebounds in the same game? I’m not hating or anything, it’s just a plain fact that this guy sucks. Or USED…
Read MoreAndre Iguodala 23 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2012)
Andre Iguodala thought he had escaped the clutches of mediocrity when he when from Philadelphia to Denver. The Nuggets were supposed to be an up-and-coming young team built around the core of Lawson, Gallo and Faried. Surprise, the Nuggets suck too! Somewhere in New Jersey, David Stern is rubbing his hands together and laughing. “Andre…
Read MoreJJ Redick 21 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2012)
I don’t even need to write a description, everything you need to know is in the title of the video. I’m gonna go have a cheesesteak.
Read MoreLeandro Barbosa 15 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2012)
There is an extremely long list of players who owe their careers to Steve Nash. If you peruse a copy of said list, you will find Leandro Barbosa nestled in nicely between Raja Bell and Lou Amundson. After leaving Phoenix he has become a low-efficiency chucker (compared to the high-efficiency chucker he was before). As…
Read More