This question has been bugging me for a long time. Do NBA players get free food at the arenas where they play? Could they just walk off the bench during a timeout to grab some hot dogs or chicken wings? Because, if so, that would be awesome. I can imagine it: kicking back on the…
Read MoreTag: Chicago Bulls
Jimmy Butler 20 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2013)
Jimmy Butler walked through the darkened streets of the burned-out city. The war had not been kind to Chicago. The basketball, his weapon, now normally colored again, betrayed no evidence of the destructive posterization it had been used for. The sirens still wailed. “Code Orange! Code Orange! Please stay in your houses until the all…
Read MoreMike Dunleavy 25 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (12/10/2013)
Mike Dunleavy grabbed his phone off the bedside table and dialed his teammate Taj Gibson. “Hey Mike, what’s up?” came Taj’s voice. “Oh, nothing, just wanted to see what you were up to,” Mike responded. There was a pause where nothing was heard but the squeaking of Mike’s bed. “What’s making that noise? And why…
Read MoreKirk Hinrich 13 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (12/5/2013)
Imagine the conflicting thoughts that were running through Kirk Hinrich’s head at the time of Derrick Rose’s injury. On one hand, “Man, I hope Derrick’s okay, we need him if we want to make noise in the playoffs.” On the other hand, “I am going to get so many minutes now.” Actually, Kirk was thinking…
Read MoreMike Dunleavy 23 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (12/2/2013)
Mike Dunleavy, in the least combative manner possible, walked up to teammate Taj Gibson after the game. He began awkwardly, “Listen, Taj, Booz just gave me the rundown on the whole situation. If I had known you were in the game, I definitely would never have porked Caroline.” Giving him a dirty look, Taj responded,…
Read MoreTony Snell 18 Points Full Highlights (11/30/2013)
“Reservations for three, Mr. Snell your table is ready”. That is in actual sentence that was actually uttered on live TV by Stacey King. Can you believe that? I’ve heard a lot of stupid crap said by basketball colormen, but this takes the stupid cake. It’s like something an overenthusiastic high school kid would come…
Read MoreTaj Gibson Career High 23 Points Full Highlights (11/27/2013)
“I gaze at the starlit sky. Visions shimmer in my eye. What better can there in this world be Than the unity of you and me?” Taj Gibson folded up his carefully penned poem, and placed it lovingly in an envelope marked “To Caroline”. “Yo, you writing that crappy poetry again?” It was Carlos Boozer….
Read MoreCarlos Boozer 26 Points Full Highlights (11/25/2013)
Want to get away? Work-related stresses taking their toll? That fat chick from HR won’t stop hitting on you? Take a relaxing trip on our first-class superliner, “The Booze Cruise”. Spend 5 days and 4 nights in luxuriant splendor on the open seas of Lake Michigan. The ship has many amenities to help you take…
Read MoreMike Dunleavy 15 Points Full Highlights (11/21/2013)
OFFICIAL FLAT THINGS POWER RANKINGS: 1. Pancakes 2. Mike Dunleavy’s Face 3. Topography of Kansas
Read MoreJoakim Noah 18 Points Full Highlights (11/15/2013)
Are the Bulls better without Derrick Rose? This is a serious question. I’m not trying to hate or anything (hating a sports team or its players is ridiculous and a symptom of our conflict-driven society, but I’m rambling). I know it’s early in the season, but Rose has been absolutely awful, he’s getting outplayed by…
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