Am I the only one who thinks that, after he retires, Jae Crowder should open a soup restaurant called Crowder’s Chowders? I’d eat there. Hell, I’d eat there twice. I love clam chowder. But not that Manhattan style bullcrap. Only New England clam chowder is real! I even came up with a catchy slogan for…
Read MoreTag: Dallas Mavericks
Gal Mekel 11 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (11/1/2013)
I have tons of great ideas for a description about Gal Mekel. Most of them involve him scamming people out of money and saying “Oy vey you silly shegetz!”. However, out of respect for the Jewish YouTube community, I will merely comment on his abilities as a basketball player and avoid potentially insensitive stereotypes. Here…
Read MoreOJ Mayo 20 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (4/12/2013)
Remember at the beginning of the season, when everybody thought OJ “Ovinton J’Anthony” Mayo was going to be the savior of the Mavs? He was shooting 45% from three and everybody was freaking out. I admit, I was freaking out a bit myself. Spray-painting ‘OJ MAYO 4 LYF” on the side of my car was…
Read MoreDirk Nowitzki 35 Points/1 Game-Winner Full Highlights (3/30/2013)
Deep amongst the stacks of the NBA archives, a bearded Germanic giant, brow furrowed in concentration, was hunched beside piles of exceedingly old, musty documents. The knowledge he sought was near; he could sense it, but not with any of the traditional senses. As if a divine presence controlled his hands, he carefully paged through…
Read MoreMike James 19 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/24/2013)
Mike James is old. Very old. I did not really realize how old he was. 37. Man. That is old. Which makes it all the more surprising that he has, after bouncing around for his entire career, found a starting job with the Mavericks. I don’t get how, considering he has no upside. He must…
Read MoreBrandan Wright 23 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (3/22/2013)
I wonder what it was like for Brandan Wright the first time he dunked a ball. Probably in the middle of a growth spurt, he tried and tried, coming so close but unable to get that little extra. Then, one day, it happened. A rim grazer, it could be called, but a dunk nonetheless. Imagine…
Read MoreRodrigue Beaubois 18 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (3/15/2013)
Rodrigue “French Kiss” Beaubois’ career has pretty much been on a downward slide since he had that 40 point game a couple years back. My opinion of him is still colored by that game, I think he should be getting more minutes even though he’s been pretty poor this year. At least he should get…
Read MoreBrandan Wright 14 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (3/8/2013)
The only thing I know about Brandan Wright is that he once did a windmill hand-switching dunk in a game, and it wasn’t even on purpose like all of Blake Griffin’s showtime dunks. Check that, I know another thing about the guy: his ears are monstrously huge. The three blocks that Wright got this game…
Read MoreDahntay Jones 11 Points/3 Assists Full Highlights (1/27/2013)
Dahntay Jones AKA “Dahntay’s Infehrno” has not had a very exciting career. I say this with confidence because my mental encyclopedia’s entry for the guy reads like this: “6-foot-five (ish). 30-something years old. Played for the Pacers for a few years. Never was all that great. For more information, see entry for Dominique Jones, since…
Read MoreShawn Marion 20 Points Full Highlights (1/12/2012)
Is Shawn Marion the craftiest shooter in the league? That’s a stupid question. Of course he is. For a guy whose jumper is shot from in front of his face, he sure manages to score a lot of points. ~~~~flashback to middle school~~~~ “Coach! Travis keeps blocking my shots! Make him stop!” “Now Shawn, if…
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