In the past month’s worth of games, Derrick Rose (the guy who everybody liked to pretend had become an elite three-point shooter [including maybe me, shamefully]) has made a grand total of one three-pointer. One. In ten games. Contrary to popular belief, NBA players are very aware of their own flaws. Some players just don’t…
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Jeff Teague 16 Points/12 Assists Full Highlights (3/5/2019)
Jeff Teague is averaging 8.1 assists per game. If he hadn’t missed so many games this season, thus disqualifying him from the leaderboards, that would be good for third in the league. And heck, I think 39 games is enough, so let’s just say it: Teague is fourth in the league in assists per game…
Read MoreTyus Jones 16 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (2/25/2019)
I am starting to think a little bit that maybe Ricky Rubio’s assist totals were inflated during the time he was playing with Karl-Anthony Towns. I’ve always known that the Rubio/KAT combo was devastating, but I thought it was more a result of their chemistry rather than KAT being an unstoppable bucket-getting beast. I’m thinking…
Read MoreTaj Gibson 20 Points Full Highlights (2/23/2019)
After setting a season-high in points last game with nineteen, Taj “Mahal” Gibson set another season-high with twenty points in this game. If he can continue incrementing his point totals by one point every game, he should be scoring around forty points per game by the end of the season. Is anybody else really surprised…
Read MoreDerrick Rose 23 Points Full Highlights (2/23/2019)
Derrick Rose dicked the Bucks at the end of the first, second, and third quarters. That’s why my nickname for him is “Dick Rose”, because he dicks people. Luckily (for Bucks fans like me, not pleb Timberwolves/Rose fans like you), by the end of the fourth quarter there was no need for continued dicking, as…
Read MoreAnthony Tolliver 17 Points/1 Block Full Highlights (2/23/2019)
I watched most of this game live (“live” as in I was watching on my computer, not “live” as in I was at the game), so I was blessed enough to watch Anthony Tolliver completely erase Giannis’ dunk attempt in real time. When it happened I yelled “oh FRICK” out loud, but I used a…
Read MoreTaj Gibson 19 Points Full Highlights (2/22/2019)
Standing with his teammates in the huddle, Taj Gibson knew he should be listening to his coach. Normally he was attentive during timeouts, but this timeout was different. Before the game, Taj had used his status as an NBA player to covertly meet one-on-one with the Madison Square Garden employee who was in charge of…
Read MoreAnthony Tolliver 16 Points Full Highlights (2/22/2019)
Anthony Tolliver is currently tied for second place in the NBA in one important stat. I don’t like cliffhangers, so I’ll just tell you the stat straight up since you’re obviously very confused right now that there is a stat where The Tollbooth is almost the best in the league. Ready? Heck yes you are:…
Read MoreJeff Teague 27 Points/12 Assists Full Highlights (2/13/2019)
It looks like, for the time being, Jerryd Bayless is done ruining my life. His line in this game: 0 points (that’s what happens when you don’t take a shot) and 1 assist in 11 minutes. At least one of my prayers to all the various deities I was praying to was answered, if not…
Read MoreDario Saric 19 Points Full Highlights (2/11/2019)
Remember when everybody thought that Nemanja Bjelica was getting held down on the Timberwolves because he was only averaging twenty minutes per game? Okay, not everybody thought that. It was mostly Serbs thinking that. But they thought it, and now I think the same thoughts are being thought by Croatians in regard to their boy…
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