“That was a pretty good win tonight, huh? All thanks to me.” Luke Babbitt stared at the locker room mirror, his brow furrowed. “All thanks to you? I think you’re forgetting who actually takes and makes the shots here. Your presence is a help, no doubt about it, but what would you be without me?…
Read MoreTag: New Orleans Pelicans
Norris Cole 12 Points/3 Assists Pelicans Debut Full Highlights (2/21/2015)
“Dear diary, Great news today! The Heat traded me. I know! Riley said he was sorry to see me go, but I could tell he wasn’t sincere. Nobody liked me in Miami. Well, I didn’t like any of them either. I can’t believe that bitch Shabazz Napier took my backup PG spot. He sucks. The…
Read MoreToney Douglas 15 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (2/11/2015)
Toney “Baloney” Douglas is just the next in a succession of point guards that the Pelicans are trying out for the backup spot. And boy, is it an ugly list: -Russ Smith (literally who?) -Austin Rivers (had to be rescued by his dad because the Celtics were going to send him to the D-League) -Jimmer…
Read MoreLuke Babbitt 15 Points/1 Dunk Full Hairlights (2/11/2015)
“Our power is growing. I can feel it,” said Luke Babbitt, seemingly talking to an empty locker room. “It is as I told you. The longer I get, the better you shoot,” replied Luke’s hair. “Monty, the vile minutes-reducer, will pay dearly for his insolence. When you were benched, I could feel the anger glowing…
Read MoreLuke Babbitt 15 Points/4 Twos Full Highlights (2/9/2015)
Luke “Alloy of Tin, Copper, and Antimony” Babbitt is another one of those things called a “three-point specialist”. To illustrate his specialness, take a look at this stat: prior to this game, he was shooting 18% from two-point range. You can forget about all that now. It turns out that Anthony Davis was really holding…
Read MoreJimmer Fredette 10 Points/3 Assists Full Highlights (2/2/2015)
“Sir, sir? Spare some change for a homeless veteran?” Trying to look as helpless as possible, Jimmer jangled his extra-large Burger King cup at the passing pedestrian, to no avail. The man bustled right by without even glancing in the direction of the panhandler that was accosting him. Jimmer, used to being ignored, wasn’t fazed….
Read MoreAlexis Ajinca 17 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (1/30/2015)
Asserting Length, Evading Xenophobia, Ideal Shot-blocking Always Jousting In NBA Contests, Ascendant
Read MoreTyreke Evans 25 Points Full Highlights (1/28/2015)
Again, my phone rings. This time, I know exactly who it is, as this customer has been assigned a special ringtone: Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe”. I put the finishing touches on a new video description, then give in to the phone’s pleas to be answered. “Hello, Mr. Evans. I was wondering when I…
Read MoreTyreke Evans 24 Points/12 Assists Full Highlights (1/25/2015)
My phone rings, playing the generic “Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangster” ringtone that it defaults to when it doesn’t find the caller in my contact list. Busy with some clip editing, I let it ring for ten seconds before answering. “DownToBuck speaking. Make it quick.” “It’s Tyreke. You gonna make a video…
Read MoreEric Gordon 20 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/23/2015)
If Eric Gordon were a type of ice cream preparation, what kind of ice cream preparation would he be? Bowl of chocolate ice cream: it’s okay, but you know it’s not the same as real chocolate. Kind of like Eric Gordon now isn’t the “real” Eric Gordon, the pre-injury Eric Gordon. Fair comparison. Waffle cone…
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