Based on my extensive knowledge of British demographics, I have totalled the various types of people who attended yesterday’s game in London: -2,000 chavs -500 chavettes -1,200 football hooligans -300 Polish people who stole all the jobs -5,000 posh totties -3,000 scousers -700 tories -too many Pakis -1 cheeky cunt -0 people who know who…
Read MoreTag: Toronto Raptors
Jonas Valanciunas 22 Points Full Highlights (1/6/2016)
Jonas Valanciunas sat eagerly on his couch, waiting for the match to begin. Snacks and beverages of unbelievable variety were spread on the table before him; he reached over and grabbed a box of Oreos before slamming them into his face five at a time. Arvydas, his cat, stretched up from his spot next to…
Read MoreLuis Scola 22 Points Full Highlights (1/3/2016)
I must say, I am pleasantly surprised by the amount of playing time Luis Scola is receiving this year. After his troubled tenure with the Pacers, I really thought he was just about done, years of international competition having finally taken their toll. For perspective, I only made two highlight packages of Scolaosis last year….
Read MoreBismack Biyombo 14 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (12/26/2015)
Bismack “The Bizzy Body” Biyombo has been a total rebound machine for the Raptors in the absence of any other capable center on the team. The twelve he had in this game as actually pretty wimpy compared to the twenty he pulled down in the Raptors’ previous game against the Mavs. However, there is a…
Read MorePatrick Patterson 18 Points Full Highlights (12/20/2015)
It’s easy to forget that Patrick “Star” Patterson is even still in the NBA. He’s not nearly bad enough to get noticed for sucking, and he’s not nearly good enough to get noticed for excelling. He doesn’t get a ton of minutes, he doesn’t do much with those he does get. He plays in a…
Read MoreLuis Scola 20 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2015)
I don’t get how Luis Scola can be 35 years old and still be this useful. It’s unlikely that he’s able to produce any defense out of his aging body, but the same body that can no longer defend anything resembling an NBA player is also the same body that abuses Chris Bosh with savvy…
Read MoreLuis Scola 22 Points Full Highlights (12/13/2015)
Basketball can get boring sometimes, you know? Just a bunch of dudes trying to manipulate a sphere into a hole, is what it pretty much boils down to. When you start thinking that way about your beloved game, that’s when you need to create your own fun while watching. What I try to do is…
Read MoreTerrence Ross 22 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (12/7/2015)
Friendly reminder for all my Toronto viewers out there: you could have had Andre Drummond instead of Terrence Ross. I could gloat some more, but, actually, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for on my part. The reality of the situation is that Andre had huge questions marks heading into the draft and there is something…
Read MoreLucas Nogueira 14 Points Full Highlights (12/5/2015)
This is going to sound kind of sick, but I’m sort of half-happy that Jonas Valanciunas got injured. If Valanciunas was in possession of two intact hands, there’s no way that Lucas Nogueira (I refuse to call him “Bebe”) would get any minutes at all. No minutes for Nogueira = no chance of ever making…
Read MoreLuis Scola 20 Points Full Highlights (11/22/2015)
The big news surrounding Luis Scola is his supposed title of “Strongest Man in Raptors History”, earned when he benched 265, surpassing all other player’s measurements. That’s great! I did not imagine that a not-exactly-all-that-toned guy like Coca Scola would hold such a title. But is 265 even really that much? Doesn’t seem like a…
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