“Marcin, we need to set some things straight.” Marcin Gortat looked over to Bradley Beal’s locker. “I agree, Bradley. With new season comes new beginnings and new understandings.” “So you know what I’m talking about, then,” said Bradley. Marcin raised his eyebrows. “Actually I am not knowing,” Marcin responded innocently. “Maybe it about how I…
Read MoreTag: Washington Wizards
Otto Porter 16 Points Full Highlights (10/31/2015)
Perfect timing for the Wizards! Just as Nene starts turning into a lazy Brazilian bum, Otto Porter starts turning into a perfect complimentary role-player! The two occurrences should cancel each other out, and Washington should find about the same amount of playoff success this year as they did last. Took the Ottomaton long enough. I…
Read MoreNene 17 Points Full Highlights (5/9/2015)
Nene AKA “The Brazilian Bruiser” did not play very well the first two games of this series, a fact that was not lost on the commentators, who felt the need to bring it up after every shot that Nene made. I suppose if I was on-air and needed something to talk about, Nene going a…
Read MoreOtto Porter 17 Points Full Highlights (5/9/2015)
All the good sportswriters have the ability to put pop-culture references into their stories. I see it time and time again. If I want to be included in that elite group, it only makes sense that I must do the same. I tried this before with an earlier Otto Porter video, comparing him and his…
Read MoreOtto Porter 15 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (5/5/2015)
Randy Wittman is smarter than we all thought. There was a reason, after all, that he didn’t play Otto Porter very much until these playoffs. Why reveal your cards before the hand is over? It does no good for other teams to be able to get a reliable scouting report the Ottoman. Play him sparingly,…
Read MoreRamon Sessions 21 Points Full Highlights (5/5/2015)
At least the Wizards had a true backup point guard. The Clippers had to play an out-of-position Austin Rivers and an out-of-the-league Lester Hudson due to an injury to their star. Ramon Sessions, while not very good this year, is at least fit to hold John Wall’s jockstrap (remind me again how many 24-assist games…
Read MoreOtto Porter 15 Points Full Highlights (4/21/2015)
Making the Raptors into his bitches Abandoning the goggles allows him to ball Yes, he is actually decent now Befitting a player picked third overall Everyone was down on him, including me Not Wizards fans, though, who always believed Otto Porter is blossoming before our eyes The tree of stardom grown from the potential seed…
Read MoreDrew Gooden 16 Points Full Highlights (4/4/2015)
“Thanks for inviting us to your Karaoke party! Anywhere where there’s booze and chicks, there’s bound to be a good time, huh?” Bradley Beal said as he and a few other Wizards players walked into Drew Gooden’s house. “Kalevala, you mean.” Drew responded, as they loudly bustled their way into the living room. As he…
Read MoreOtto Porter 17 Points/4 Dunks Full Highlights (4/3/2015)
Here’s a quick quiz for you. Leave your answer in the comments. No peeking at the answer sheet! Remember, if you get it wrong, I have the power to delete your YouTube account. What percentage of Otto Porter’s bustitude can be explained by Randy Wittman’s incompetence? a) 100 percent b) 50 percent c) 0 percent…
Read MoreOtto Porter 15 Points Full Highlights (3/29/2015)
Have you ever wondered which Washington Wizards players correspond to which Rocket Power characters? No? Well, I’ve planted the idea in your head now so you will definitely find the following list illuminating. Otto Porter = Otto Rocket Drew Gooden = Twister Kevin Seraphin = Reggie Rocket Marcin Gortat = Squid Randy Wittman = Raymundo…
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