January 2013 – Page 7

Robert Sacre 10 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (1/8/2013)

With injuries to every center on the Lakers’ roster, the time has come to unleash the Beast. The Beast who was in the d-league just a few days previous. The Beast who does funny dances on the sideline because he sucks and can’t get in a game. The Beast known to us under his human…

Nikola Pekovic 25 Points/18 Rebounds Full Highlights (1/8/2013)

Nikola Vucevic recently grabbed 29 rebounds for the Magic. Overcome by jealousy, Nikola Pekovic vowed to himself before the game against the Hawks, “I will grab 30 rebounds for glory of powerful and strong Montenegro!”. But then he got distracted by scoring 25 points and fell 12 rebounds short. Which is still good for a…

Wayne Ellington Career High 26 Points (6 Threes) Full Highlights (1/7/2013)

Wayne “Spooky Sk” Ellington is just your average NBA player. He wakes up in his lavishly appointed condominium, goes to practice in his fancy car, drains a bunch of jump shots, goes back home, plays in that night’s game, then probably goes out to party and meet chicks before going to bed and repeating it…

Gordon Hayward 27 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (1/7/2013)

I can just imagine Gordon Hayward coming back home after the big comeback win over the Mavericks, preparing some Hot Pockets, sitting down on his ratty old couch, and chowing down while watching infomercials on his 1970’s era TV that gets only 3 channels, 4 if there’s a full moon. At least I could until…

Jan Vesely 10 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (1/7/2012)

Jan “Silent J” Vesely has a smoking hot girlfriend. Who cares if he is kind of a bust? Who cares that a 6th overall pick has seemingly no basketball skills other than jumping and running? His girlfriend is fine. Damn fine. She’s also damn tall. Got to be at least 6-6. I could make a…

Ray Allen 20 Points Full Highlights (1/6/2013)

Ray “Don’t call me Jesus” Allen’s acrimonious departure from the Celtics was well documented in the media. I guess Rondo doesn’t even acknowledge the dude’s existence anymore. And there were plenty of angry Celtics fans on forums claiming he was done, washed up, kaput. He’s not. Well he kind of is. But the last thing…

Alan Anderson Career High 27 Points (19 in 2nd) Full Highlights (1/6/2013)

NBA highlights are funny things. The ones with the most views are, obviously, the superstars. Stuff like LeBron getting triple-doubles or Kobe scoring ridiculous amounts of points. But why? Everyone knows they can do that stuff. It’s no surprise when Griffin throws it down again or Carmelo scores 40. The real surprise is when the…

Lou Williams 28 Points Full Highlights (1/5/2013)

Little known fact: the YouTube personality you know as DownToBuck is actually NBA player Louis “Lou” Williams. That’s right. I’m Lou Williams. And I just made highlights of myself scoring 28 points, because I am a baller. Any comments referencing my poor shot selection or my chilling resemblance to one Brandon Jennings will be deleted…

Alonzo Gee 18 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (1/5/2012)

Out of all NBA players whose last names are letters of the alphabet, Alonzo “Gee Whiz” Gee is certainly the best. He might also be the second-best Alonzo in NBA history. He’ll need those credentials, because when people ask him about his NBA career 20 years from now, he’ll want to avoid saying “I was…

Mirza Teletovic Career High 14 Points/2 Blocks Full Highlights (1/5/2013)

Mirza Teletovic is the next Dirk. Count on it. What does Dirk have that the Bosnian Baller doesn’t? Nothing. Teletovic is a complete player with a refined inside-outside game and a sweet shooting touch. He also has supreme athletic ability, able to dunk and block shots with the best of them. I got you good,…