“What will you be having?” “Gimme your 32 ounce porterhouse. I’m a hungry dude. Big game tonight. Sides of asparagus and mashed potatoes. And some mineral water.” “How would you like the steak cooked? Well done?” “No way man, actually…” The waiter cut him off. “Get it? WELL DONE! Because you’re frickin’ done! No way…
Read MoreMonth: March 2014
Nikola Vucevic 24 Points/23 Rebounds Full Highlights (3/28/2014)
You are now aware that the Magic commentator sounds like he’s saying Vuce-Bitch every time he says Nikola Vucevic’s last name. You will not be able to unhear this. Enjoy watching him for the rest of your life thinking about what a bitch he is. For opposing centers to handle, maybe. This is his 6th…
Read MoreHenry Sims 18 Points Full Highlights (3/27/2014)
The never-ending series of experiments that has constituted the end of the 76ers season has not borne much fruit. Almost every player they’ve brought in has looked about as bad as expected. That’s not even counting the season-long Tony Wroten experiment, its hypothesis being “Does Tony Wroten not suck?” and the conclusion, found after much…
Read MoreJeff Teague 22 Points Full Highlights (3/27/2014)
After getting a shiny 32-million contract, Jeff Teague’s shooting numbers have predictably regressed. He is barely above 30% on threes. A common syndrome among NBA players, this reduction in play quality is referred to as “getting paid”. It happens all the time, and it is almost expected that a player’s numbers will stop improving after…
Read MoreJames Anderson 30 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (3/26/2014)
The 76ers have a streak going. You probably have heard all too much about it, so I won’t talk about that today. It’s not nearly as interesting as the individual streak one of the Philly players has. James Anderson’s 2-game streak of kicking his former team’s ass. He’s like a desperate ex who tries embarrassingly…
Read MoreJared Sullinger 26 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2014)
Jared Sullinger is a fortunate guy. The Celtics’ coaching staff actually told him to shoot MORE threes this year. I’ve been ragging on him for shooting too many and it turns out it’s not even his fault. Sorry Jared. I guess the idea is that since this is a lost season anyway they should experiment…
Read MoreDarius Miller Career High 16 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2014)
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a player work harder for points than D-Mill does in this game. Poor little Darren Collison was matched up on the larger Miller for most of the night, and Miller took this as a cue to harass him at every turn with his tight handles and wet jumper. Layups?…
Read MoreGorgui Dieng 15 Points/15 Rebounds Full Highlights (3/26/2014)
“Wait up, Nikola!” Gorgui yelled, running after the lumbering, hulking Montenegrin. He tried to remember the advice that Corey Brewer had given him. What was it he had said? Something about not talking enough smack, being too kind. “Hey, Gorgui, what up?” Nikola asked, turning around to face his teammate. “You want go slam some…
Read MoreAnthony Morrow 27 Points Full Highlights (3/26/2014)
Tickets are now on sale for my next seminar, which is entitled “Anthony Morrow: The Best Role-Player Ever?” At this talk, I will lay out my argument for Anthony Morrow being better than any current or past role-player in terms of playing his role. Some guy on YouTube called DownToBuck (that’s me!) has made some…
Read MoreMatthew Dellavedova Career High 21 Points/6 Assists/5 Threes Full Highlights (3/26/2014)
“Haha I win again! Man Delly, you suck at NBA Jam!” “Shut up Dion you know I only have one good controller. As the good host that I am I graciously let you use it. The buttons on the one I’m using are all sludgy and horrible.” “Always with the excuses. Damn, all this ass-kicking…
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