November 2014 – Page 18

Lavoy Allen 12 Points/15 Rebounds Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

I don’t get why Lavoy “My Boy” Allen can’t replace Luis Scola in the Pacers lineup (when they’re fully healthy, of course). They both can shoot midrange jumpers, and Luis is no longer nearly as automatic as he once was (Lavoy was never automatic as far as I know). I don’t know if Lavoy plays…

Enes Kanter 18 Points/1 Three Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

When not torturing/murdering its own people or attempting to censor the internet, Turkey keeps itself busy by making basketball players for American consumption. This is a shrewd move, as it keeps the masses distracted from the problems that plague the country: -Rampant governmental corruption -Widespread unemployment -A spineless media -Governmental ignorance of environmental concerns Consume…

Dennis Schröder 14 Points/4 Assists Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

Dënniß ßchrööder has been turning heads lately. First with his huge dunk on the Spurs, second with two separate career highs against the Knicks, and third with that diseased patch of hair that he has. He should go to the doctor to get that checked out. Anyway, he’s been playing very well after an uninspiring…

A.J. Price 22 Points Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

I made AJ Price highlights, once, a long time ago. 23 points, a bunch of threes. It was an outlier of a performance back then, his only decent game that season. I didn’t really expect to be able to showcase his basketball talents again. No great loss; once is enough for a player like this….

Ryan Anderson 32 Points/8 Threes Full Highlights (11/10/2014)

Ryan Anderson was hard at work. He had always like to tinker with things, even before he discovered his proclivity for basketball. His landlord had complained when he built his underground workshop underneath the tony condo complex he lived in; a couple million dollars was enough to alleviate any concerns. The builders always asked him…

Chris Johnson 16 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (11/9/2014)

I always assumed that Chris Johnson’s full first name was “Christopher”. That’s a fair assumption, right? Wrong. His name is actually spelled “Christapher”. From now on, I’m going to use his full name whenever I have to reference him (which is approximately once every never) so that I don’t cause confusion with either a.) the…

Jae Crowder 15 Points Full Highlights (11/9/2014)

Does anybody else have a strong, almost primal urge to cuddle with Jae Crowder’s dreads? Jae Crowder himself I don’t care about, but those things on his head…I would just love to wrap my face up in them. I bet they’re soft like a baby bunny. They probably smell nice too. If the Mavs ever…

Wesley Matthews 21 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (11/9/2014)

“No, that’s not right…” Wesley mumbled, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He unbuttoned the top two buttons of his vibrantly-plaid button-down shirt, exposing his dark chest hair. “That’s better.” Journeying to his closet, he picked out a pair of black jeans from his high-school days. His mom had admonished him when he had…

Terrence Ross 17 Points Full Highlights (11/9/2014)

Again, NBA TV hinders my ability to compile “full” highlights by failing to show thirty seconds of game action, game action where Terrence Ross makes a three-pointer. This is now the second highlight video that they have ruined. Yes, RUINED. What purpose does this video serve if its intended purpose, to show every made field…

Draymond Green 22 Points/4 Blocks Full Highlights (11/9/2014)

I used to rag on Draymond Green for being really, really bad at basketball. The shooting part at least. “Mr. 32%”. His only utility as a rookie was as a “put him in and let him create chaos” kind of guy. He’s still that kind of guy, which is great. As an added bonus, it…