From the fabled lands of Lithuania comes Donatas Motiejunas, a proud warrior whose Lithuanian blood is pumped by a heart made out of pure Baltic steel. Said to have descended from King Mindaugas himself, Motiejunas is a shining example of the strength and purity of the Lithuanian race. A kingdom which once spanned parts of…
Read MoreMonth: November 2014
Charlie Villanueva 11 Points/3 Threes Full Highlights (11/29/2014)
Charlie “Alopecia” Villanueva has always been an absolute chuckmaster. When he gets in the game, all he ever looks to do is score. This can be a valuable trait, and in fact, it was a valuable trait for the first few years of Charlie’s career, but his percentages now range from “pathetic” to “sad”. If…
Read MoreK.J. McDaniels 21 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2014)
Pop quiz time (I hope you studied). On this quiz, there’s just one question, so it shouldn’t be too hard unless you’re a moron. Question 1: How Much of a Beast is K.J. McDaniels? a.) Not much of a beast at all b.) He only looks like a beast because everybody else on his team…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 12 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2014)
It was early in Atlanta, the city just making its first stirrings of activity. The morning sun had not yet begun its slow ascent over the horizon. The clock struck 6, and the alarm sounded. It may has well not have. Dennis Schröder, his body trained to a strict daily schedule, had already awoken the…
Read MoreAlexey Shved 18 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (11/29/2014)
Alexey Shved sat happily in his downtown Philadelphia apartment. He had eschewed the normal trappings of an NBA player; his residence looked like it was dwelt in by a lonely Russian with an alcohol problem and no money. Only the first part was true, as evidenced by the extremely expensive bottle of vodka he was…
Read MoreGordon Hayward 30 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2014)
I feel so bad for Gordon Hayward. It must be so embarrassing to be in your mid-20s and still have a face that looks like it’s smiling from a kid’s TV show. And once you get to be that age, you know you’re going to be stuck with your babyface forever. There’s nothing to do…
Read MorePJ Hairston 15 Points Full Highlights (11/29/2014)
“What is wrong with the Charlotte Hornets?” is the common refrain of the nowadays NBA fan, their minds clouded by the ever-looming menace of Michael Jordan. The answer is that this whole thing could have been expected. I think the name and image change earned so much good will (as well it should have, those…
Read MoreAmir Johnson 20 Points/2 Threes Full Highlights
Did anybody else get triggered by the Raptor’s throwback jerseys? The last time I saw purple and pinstripes in the same place, I was dreaming that I was being chased by a T-Rex/Vince Carter hybrid through a dense jungle made out of basketball hoops. Seeing Amir Johnson hit three-pointers while wearing it made me have…
Read MoreWes Johnson 19 Points/4 Threes Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
Wes Johnson needs to be more assertive. He gets thirty minutes a contest but can’t even average 10 PPG, even though his only talent coming out of college was scoring. Kobe Bean taking all the shots is hindering Wes just like it’s hindering everybody else, but if Wayne Ellington is scoring almost as much as…
Read MoreAmar’e Stoudemire 20 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
Amar’e stared disbelievingly at the two flesh-colored floating shapes before him. He cleared his eyes, but the ethereal balls of light remained. When they began to speak to him, he pinched himself to wake himself up from his dream, but found that he was not dreaming. “Hello, Amar’e. We’ve missed you,” said a voice that…
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