Kris Humphries 18 Points Full Highlights (12/27/2014)

John Wall and Bradley Beal were giggling like schoolchildren.

“This is too mean. Too mean! Which means we had to do it.” Bradley said through laughter.

“We really didn’t have a choice, I agree. How do I look?” his teammate responded, looking at himself in the locker room mirror.

John Wall was dressed in a sequined white dress, complete with a wig of long, black hair. These were not the most unusual aspects of his appearance, however. Attached to the outside of the dress, on his rear end, was an elaborate construction made of cardboard and paper mache. It was designed to look like the heinie of one Kim Kardashian, which meant it looked like two watermelons in a paper bag.

“If I knew it wasn’t you under there, I’d believe you were the real Kim. Now, try out the voice again. It’s gotta be perfect.”

John adopted a high-pitched, womanly tone. “Oh, Kris, I never should have left you! Every night when I go to sleep I can think of nothing but you and your endowment! Please, let’s get back together and you can have the luscious booty all to yourself!”

Bradley was laughing again. “Perfect! Kris will be tricked for sure! Let’s go. I’ll wait back here with the camera.”

John, disguised as Kris Humphries’ erstwhile lover, walked out into the main area of the locker room.

“Kris, honey, it’s me, Kim! Where are you, Kris?” John called out.

Humphries, facing away from the commotion, turned around swiftly at the sound of the voice, his eyes hopeful and voice yearning. “Kim?”

John put his hand on the cardboard rear end and caressed it alluringly. “There you are! I’ve made a horrible mistake! I never should have let this fine heinie be touched by any other man!”

Kris’ look of expectancy turned angry. “Damnit, John, this isn’t funny. Not funny even a little god-damn bit.” He walked over, purposefully, and before John could do anything, punched him square in the face. His teammate tumbled to the ground, holding his nose, which was squirting blood.

“Don’t bleed on this.” Kris said as he detached the replica of Kim’s butt and walked out with it. “This one’s going in the shrine.”

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