In the locker room after the game, the mood was jubilant. It felt good to win; everybody was in high spirits, including Jason Smith.
As he peeled off his sweaty jersey, he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye. His pulse quickened, wondering if “they” were back again. When he noticed no more movement, he began to relax, until a shrill laughing filled his ears.
“Oh god, not again,” he moaned, catching the attention of a nearby Lou Amundson.
“What’s up, J?”
“The hair gremlins,” Jason said. “They’re back.” There was a fear-filled emphasis on the word “back.”
Lou snickered. “Hair gremlins, huh?”
Now there were little creatures, dark olive in color and with shriveled, prunish skin, peeking out from behind furniture and walking towards Jason. Identical sharp-toothed smiles adorned their miniature faces. Jason tried to keep calm, telling himself that these beings were just an illusion. There was no way they could be real.
“You don’t see them?” Jason confirmed with his teammate.
“I don’t know what kind of LSD you’ve got in your locker, but you probably should stop taking it while other people are around.”
Jason felt a gremlin begin to crawl up his bare leg, and he lost it. “No, noooo! Don’t take any more of my hair!” he yelled, kicking his leg out to try to shake off the little creature. However, his kicks were ineffectual, as the gremlin had sunk its claws deep into Jason’s meaty leg flesh.
As Jason flailed, another gremlin jumped off the top of the locker onto Jason’s head. Jason reached up with both hands to yank it off, but when he felt his finger get bit, he immediately retracted them. More goblins attached themselves to his body, including at least one more on his head. “Please, stop, please…” he pleaded as the entirety of the locker room watched him battle invisible goblins.
“Yo, what’s up with J?” asked Shane Larkin.
“HAIR GREMLINS!” Jason wailed, feeling the telltale plucking sensation on top of his head. “THEY’RE STEALING MY HAIR! AAAAHHHHHHH!”
“Dude, it’s okay that you’re going bald, you don’t need to put on this show,” said Shane, shaking his head.
Just as suddenly as the attack was initiated, it stopped. The gremlins hopped off their victim and scurried back to their hiding places, presumably to disappear back to whatever underground world they came from. Pablo Prigioni, who had watched the entire spectacle in knowing silence, approached Jason when the rest of his teammates had left.
Pablo pointed at the top of his head. “Don’t worry man. You’re not going crazy. I see them too.”