Kristaps Porzingis 28 Points Full Highlights (1/8/2016)

“How long do you think we wait in line for rye bread?”, Kristaps Porzingis asked as he approached the Walmart.

Carmelo Anthony stopped walking and looked at his teammate. “You say this is your first time going to a grocery store?”

“American grocery store, yes. I have been to many grocery store in Latvia, and wait for rye bread was very long. And, you get up to the front, and they tell you that there was only small amount of rye bread, but is long gone. Only other thing in store is lard, so me and mama buy some of that and call it a good day.” Kristaps replied. “Come on, let’s go inside, I see people walk in ahead of us, now chance of successful rye bread purchase is lower.”

Kristaps grabbed Carmelo and dragged him inside. A greeter welcomed them with a cold “Welcome to Walmart” as Kristaps looked around confusedly.

“I see not the rye bread section of the store, Carmelo. What about over there? Where all those people are waiting in line?”

“That’s the checkout area, man. Where you go after you purchase all the stuff you wanted, which could include rye bread but also might not, because we have stuff other than that here in America.”

“Don’t kid around. You can’t fool me with your capitalist propaganda.”

Carmelo didn’t respond as he grabbed a cart and began walking to the grocery section of the store. They weren’t walking for long before Kristaps stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide.

“Is this all food?”

“Of course it is man, what, you think it’s all a bunch of props?”, Carmelo responded, shaking his head.

Kristaps ran over to the bakery, where hundreds of loaves of bread, of all shapes and varieties, were arrayed on shelves before him. Making a beeline for the darkest colored ones he could find, he grabbed one in each hand, and held them above his head triumphantly.

“Look at all this rye bread, Carmelo! I have never seen such a thing! And to think, we didn’t have to wait in line for even one minute!” He shouted over to his teammate, who was still standing by the cart, looking embarrassed. He reached over and scooped up all the bread he could carry in his arms.

“All the rye bread a man could ever desire! Here for the purchasing, by any common man with the proper American money! It’s too much…” Kristaps collapsed, becoming buried under dozens of loaves of bread. Carmelo walked over, and could hear a few mutterings in between the tears that were now pouring out of Kristaps’ eyes.

“Capitalism… Obama… Mama…”


Carmelo and Kristaps walked out of the store, Kristaps pushing the shopping cart now full to the brim with rye bread.

“You okay there, dude? You had a bit of an episode back there.”

Kristaps’ sniffled a bit. “Yes, I’m fine. I never imagined such bounty, that is all, for all my life I was told ‘In America they have not any rye bread at all, so corrupt are their leaders, so be grateful for what you have here in Latvia’, and I believed.”

“Well, now you know. Maybe next time we come here, we can pick out some other kinds of food? Your diet isn’t gonna be too balanced.”

Kristaps smacked his forehead. “Of course! In all excitement, we forget to purchase the lard!”

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