Richaun “Rich Holmie Chaun” Holmes is currently challenging Marreese Speights for the title of “most disgusting head growth”. Marreese is on top for the time being, possessing a giant, virulent tumor/cyst/alien transmission device on the back of his head, but Richaun is getting up there with an ever-enlargening mole threatening to pull up stakes from…
Read MoreDay: January 16, 2016
Trey Lyles 17 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2016)
Jeff Withey took a prolonged sniff of the air in the airplane cabin. “Trey, man, I know that’s your special jumpshot box and everything, but could you at least put with the rest of your luggage? It still smells like a hobo crawled into it and died while farting.” Trey Lyles cradled the crumpled, musty…
Read MoreKhris Middleton 24 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2016)
Khris Middleton is 1-of-11 on three-pointers in his last three games, thus knocking him out of the top ten three-point marksmen in the NBA. Luckily, he has been totally unstoppable from inside the arc, and his two-pointer percentage is now higher than his three-point percentage, as it should be. In this game, he made Jeremy…
Read MoreCole Aldrich 19 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2016)
Cole Aldrich is the answer to the eternal question of “What would you get if you took Greg Stiemsma and made him better at basketball but not too much better?”. There are other questions that he is also the answer to; but none of those questions are as profound as this one. On an unrelated…
Read MoreDennis Schröder 15 Points/10 Assists Full Highlights (1/16/2016)
When was the last time I did highlights of some guy getting a lot of assists and even one of the assists was good enough to have a replay shown of it? Ever? It doesn’t happen very often, that’s for certain. What if I told you that there were not just one, but THREE replays…
Read MoreRudy Gobert 18 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (1/16/2016)
How sad it must be for Rudy Gobert, once the darling of the NBA, to see these newcomers, this “Porzingis” and this “Towns”, receive the admiration that was previously reserved for himself. Do the fans not remember his acrobatic defense, punishing dunks, and cheeky salutes? Or do they remember, but no longer care?
Read MoreKristaps Porzingis 17 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2016)
This might be one of Kristaps Porzingis’ best performances this year, not in terms of raw stats, but in terms of aesthetics. For the linguistically challenged among us, “aesthetics” is a fancy term for when something looks good. Like that chick at Starbucks who you’re too much of a pussy to go talk to. An…
Read MoreJahlil Okafor 25 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2016)
When I saw that Jahlil Okafor had 17 points in the first quarter, the first thing I thought was “Wilt’s record is SCREWED!”. I started playing it out in my head: 94, 96, 98… Jahlil cannot be stopped, the crowd is delirious, he scores bucket after bucket, jumpers, hooks, slams, his teammates feeding him on…
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