“Well, Mr. Baynes, after reviewing your files, I’m afraid that our bank won’t be able to loan you any money for your project.”
“Aw, come on man!” Aron Baynes groaned. “‘Baynes Bus’ is a good idea! I already proved it could work, I just need a little cash to get it going again.”
The banker looked coldly at his potential loanee. “Mr. Baynes, your company went under very quickly while located in San Antonio. That is not ‘proving it could work’ in any sense of the phrase whatsoever.”
Aron was not dissuaded. “That was a one-time thing. My driver drove the bus into a river and the bus company wouldn’t let us use it anymore. Otherwise, losses were limited to a few boxes of Bagel Bites, a mini-fridge, and some 80’s sleaze metal posters,” he said, counting off the objects on his fingers. “Oh yeah, and a mini strobe light disco ball. And a TV.”
Sighing, the banker said, “And we’re very hesitant to give a loan to a company calling itself the ‘Baynes Bus.’ There is a certain heavy-hitter in the pornography industry who would immediately enter into a lawsuit were they to find out.”
“Dude, it has nothing to do with them!” Aron exclaimed. “Baynes Bus is about finding normal people on the street to bayng out with the Big Baynger while they get filmed for a direct-to-DVD release. It’s not about porn at all.”
“I take it that your operation in San Antonio never got to the point where a DVD was ever completed.”
“Well, no, but we got pretty close. Here, I’ve still got some of the footage on my phone,” Aron said, digging his iPhone out of his pocket and offering it to the man across the desk.
The banker declined with a raised palm. “No thanks. Looking at your files was depressing enough. The crayon-rendered drawing of a bus with a laser gun attached to the top did not strengthen your case, Mr. Baynes.” The banker closed his file folder and placed it in a drawer in his desk. “Now, I’m going to ask you to leave. I have another appointment coming up. You’re welcome to resubmit improved plans to us at a later date, but, frankly, if I were you, I would give up on this one. I don’t foresee us or any other bank being able to give you $200,000 to drive around a bus where people get to hang out with you.”
“Did I tell you that I lined up Korn to play on the bus?” Aron added hopefully.
“You left that out of your proposal, but I highly doubt that you acquired the services of any such band. As I’m sure you know, telling lies will not help you secure a loan.”
Aron looked sadly at the ground as he got up from his chair. “Oh. But I did get a local Korn cover band. If that counts for anything.”
“It doesn’t. Please leave my office, Mr. Baynes.”