In the process of gathering material for the composition of this description, I ventured over to Wikipedia to check out Lauri Markkanen’s article. But not his English-language entry. The one in Finnish. Because I want to know what actual Finnish people think about him. I was like “how hard could it be, reading Finnish, it’s a European language and I can usually get the gist of things as long as it’s not in Cyrillic”. But this is worse than Cyrillic, my friends:
Ykköstähdistöjoukkueeseen.
Tähdistöviisikkoon.
Damian Lillardin.
Kummikoripallokoulujen.
Korikuninkuuden.
Suomalaispelaajana.
That last one might mean something like “playing for the Finnish national team” because I recognize the “Suoma” part, but those other ones, you can frick right off with that garbage language. Why are there so many k’s? Why are all the letters duplicated? These are questions I have, but I don’t really care to know the answers, because I am so done with this crap. Sorry Finnbros, but you’re gonna have to speak an Indo-European language that isn’t derived from the sounds reindeer make when they fart if you want to me to listen.
So my fact-finding expedition failed. You’re going to have to enjoy these highlights without my enlightened commentary, and you can blame the entire country of Finland. Now I know why Russia wanted to kick their butt so bad in World War 1. It was to destroy their unintelligible vowel-salad over-umlauted language forever. The only good things you ever produced were Mämmi and Moonsorrow.
And Lauri Markkanen, I guess.