Only 2 assists? I don’t want to live in a universe where the next Pistol Pete is so misused that he can only get 2 assists during a whole regulation-length NBA game. I want out. Send me to another universe, please. One with regular Rubio 20-assist games and also one with a formulation of Hot Pocket that cooks evenly in the microwave, every time.
When things are feeling really oppressive here for me in this cursed universe (like right now), I have something I call an “Alternate Universe Simulator”, or AUS for short. It’s actually just my closet with an old CRT TV in the corner, but I go in it with all the lights turned off, pop in one of the VHS’s I have with my old Rubio highlights on them, and let that baby run on repeat for up to 48 hours. It may sound corny, but it really does feel like I’m in a different time and dimension when I’m in there. A dimension where Rubio runs pick-and-pops with KAT all day, every day.
If you want to try out my AUS, it’ll be 50 dollars. 100 if you want your experience to be tailored to your preferences. Want a universe where Doug McDermott never left the Bulls? I can make that happen.