Crawling underneath my bed, I recover the sacred stone tablet which will serve as the final beacon of humanity after nuclear annihilation and ultra-lethal pathogens have wiped humankind from the terrestrial sphere of earth. On this tablet are inscribed the names of NBA players who made a significant amount of field goals in a game without missing one. Even when every trace of mankind’s achievements has been absterged by the cleansing nuclear hellfire, this tablet will remain a testament to those in the NBA who, if even for just one night, reached peak shooting efficiency.
Setting the tablet on my workbench, I begin the slow, laborious process of carving a new name into the stone. My kitty, Japurri Purrker, wanders over to investigate the source of the noise, but I can’t spare even a second to reach down and scritch his ears. The importance of the task is too great; it requires my singular focus. Bits of rock fly forth from where my chisel makes its incremental cuts and beads of sweat drip off my face. Japurri meows at me, but the meows are unaddressed, and he eventually leaves.
Finally, I finish carving the delicate “O” that is the final letter in Bam Adebayo’s name. My task complete, I place the stone tablet of perfect field goal shooters back under my bed. When humanity is but a footnote in the grand history of the cosmos, and alien archaeologists are combing through our planet to discover the story of our race, this tablet is the one that will divulge that story.