Do you think Zach LaVine is losing his mind right now watching Coby White establish himself as a legitimate scoring guard in this league? Remember, LaVine seems to have a fragile ego and has prioritized becoming an All-Star above everything else. Any player who threatens to take shots away from him is a potential enemy,…
Read MoreMonth: March 2020
Dorian Finney-Smith 18 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
It would have been hella sweet if Dorian Finney-Smith’s six points in the final fifteen seconds of this game had somehow stolen a sure victory out of the hands of the Bulls. Alas, the deficit was too great, and Doncic’s half-court heave as time expired didn’t quite go in. Still, it was an exciting time…
Read MoreDanuel House 20 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
I just came up with a new nickname for Danuel House. Unfortunately, it comes three years too late to be relevant. However, such is my vanity that I am compelled to share this new nickname with the world so that I may be heaped with praise by those who recognize the great creative mind which…
Read MoreTrey Lyles 20 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
Trey Lyles should be known as “Trey LIEls” because so many front-offices have lied to their fans about how good they expect Lyles to be. In none of his multitude of stops in the NBA has he lived up to fans’ expectations of him, and part of that is because those expectations were set way…
Read MorePatty Mills 24 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
Sometimes, for lack of anything better to do, I sit around and wonder what concessions are like in arenas other than the one NBA arena that I’ve had the luxury of consuming concessions in, the Fiserv Forum in Milwaukee. Actually, I ate concessions at the Bradley Center too. RIP that ugly concrete eyesore. I’m guessing…
Read MoreOtto Porter 18 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
A lot of things have happened since November 6th, which was the last time that Otto Porter played in a game: -Porter got a bit fat. Now, instead of looking like Lionel Ritchie, he looks like Lionel Ritchie after a particularly successful trip to the buffet. -The Bulls went from being playoff hopefuls to begging…
Read MoreTim Hardaway Jr. 26 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
I have come to the regrettable conclusion that Tim Hardaway Jr. is at the forefront of the NBA when it comes to players who score 15 PPG per game but still have a hard time getting anybody, even fans of their own team, to care about them. I have done advanced machine-learning analysis on the…
Read MoreBoban Marjanovic 14 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
I have been thinking very hard and very studiously about it, and I have come to this conclusion: there is literally no way to stop a Luka Doncic/Boban Marjanovic pick-and-roll. This conclusion is the result of in-depth discussions with experts in the field, analysis of video footage (provided by some goofball going under the moniker…
Read MoreGary Trent 24 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
Terry Stotts is looking like a BIG dumb-dumb for not realizing what he had in Gary Trent early in the season. This guy is looking like a perfectly competent scorer at the NBA level and a decent complement to Damian Lillard (anybody can be a decent complement to him as long as you can catch…
Read MoreRobert Covington 20 Points Full Highlights (3/2/2020)
The NBA already has stats that are arbitrarily decided by scorekeepers. Assists are random as far as I can tell. Steals and blocks are also inconsistently tabulated across the league. Since these things are already in the boxscore, I see no reason to not include additional defensive stats in there as well. Things like “shots…
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