“So that’s the game plan for tonight. Does that sound good?” The team looked happily at each one another. But sitting in the corner of the locker room by himself, sulking and draped in a towel, Carmelo Anthony spoke up. “Yeah, I gots a problem. Where’s all the Melo isos? You talkin’ all about ball…
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Derek Fisher 19 Points Full Highlights (5/7/2013)
“Hello, this is Grand Commissioner Stern.” Scott Brooks closed his eyes, steeling himself for the confrontation to come. “Commissioner, this is operative 26. I fear I have made a grave mistake.” “Continue.” “Our basketball unit recently acquired a new player, a man by the name of Derek Fisher. There is no room for him in…
Read MoreKenyon Martin 12 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (5/5/2013)
Kenyon Martin sucks. One of my enduring memories of him is when he went 3 for 23 in an elimination game against the Spurs in the 2003 (an entire decade ago holy balls) playoffs. Most of those misses were horrible long jumpers. That’s the peril of having someone who can’t really shoot as your go-to…
Read MoreD.J. Augustin 16 Points Full Highlights (5/5/2013)
It’s really weird to think of DJ Augustin as having been a starting point guard. Granted, it was with the Bobcats, but his play with the Pacers hasn’t indicated that he can be any good at all. I know that a lot of Pacers fans (like all 10 of them, oh, burn) were calling for…
Read MoreMarco Belinelli 22 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (5/2/2013)
I love Tom Thibodeau. His rotations are so ridiculous. Marco Belinelli played four minutes in game four of this series, but due to Luol Deng’s “flu-like symptoms” (code term for too much partying), Marco played forty minutes last night. And here’s something crazier: Derrick Rose is totally healthy, but Thibodeau didn’t even play him one…
Read MoreDraymond Green Career High 16 Points/10 Rebounds Full Highlights (5/2/2013)
“911, what is your emergency?” Draymond almost couldn’t hold in his laughter. “Yo lady, we got a fire here at Oracle Arena, send some firemen down here quick!” “Okay sir, could I have your name?” “Yeah, It’s Draymond.” His teammates were gathered around, giggling. “Okay Draymond, before we send a crew down there, tell me…
Read MoreDavid West 24 Points Full Highlights (5/1/2013)
Why don’t you guys like David West? He’s good! He has post moves. Don’t you like post moves? Well you’re gonna learn to like him because DownToBuck has just acquired a cherry picker. And you know what I’m currently doing in it? I’m sitting in it. It’s raised to its highest extent. And I’m not…
Read MoreReggie Jackson 20 Points Full Highlights (5/1/2013)
Reggie “Westbrook 2.0” Jackson is catching a lot of people by surprise. After Russell Westbrook was brutally murdered on the court by a hatchet-wielding Patrick Beverley, nobody really knew who was going to step up to fill the shot-chucking void. But I’m guessing that nobody thought it would be Reggie Jackson. That is, nobody except…
Read MoreKlay Thompson 19 Points Full Highlights (4/30/2013)
“Hey Steph, you know, this doesn’t seem like a great idea.” “Shut up Klay. I can’t remember who broke the NBA record for made threes this year, maybe you could remind me?” “You did. That doesn’t change the fact that this is a bad idea, even by your standards. My hieroglyph-parsing skills are diminished since…
Read MoreHarrison Barnes 23 Points/5 Threes Full Highlights (4/30/2013)
Is there a more presidential name in the NBA than Harrison Barnes? I don’t think so. I’d definitely vote for him. I wouldn’t even think about it. Just seeing his name on the ballot, I’d be like “Wow look at that name. Harrison Barnes. I trust him already. He is the man to lead this…
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