I bet David Stern is so pissed right now. The Grizzlies and Spurs are the two teams in the West that are the least exciting to casual fans, and not only that, but the leading scorer for the Grizzlies in game 1 was some unknown scrub named Quincy Pondexter. How is the NBA supposed to…
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Lance Stephenson Career High 25 Points Full Highlights (5/18/2013)
“Lance…Laaance…” Lance Stephenson awoke with a start. Had somebody been calling his name, or had that been part of his dream? He was just about to fall back asleep when he heard it again. “Lance…I’m down here, Lance.” Lance felt his heart rate jump. Unless he was losing his marbles, there was a voice emanating…
Read MoreTiago Splitter 14 Points Full Highlights (5/17/2013)
“Hello, welcome to Tiago’s Banana Splitters, what can I get for you today?” “I’d like one standard splitter please, with double banana.” “Coming right up.” A tall, stubbled figure shambled through the door of the small, shoddily decorated restaurant. “I’ll have 50 of those famous Tiago’s banana splitters, and hurry up I’m in a rush!”…
Read MoreChris Copeland 13 Points Full Highlights (5/16/2013)
Reggie Miller asks at the end of this video “Where has he been all series?”, “he” being Chris Copeland. The answer: buried on the bench because Woodson is a moron who doesn’t want to play offensively gifted players while the team is struggling to score. Is it a coincidence that the Knicks won once Copeland…
Read MoreRip Hamilton 15 Points Full Highlights (5/16/2013)
Rip “Van Winkle” Hamilton is getting kind of old. I’m pretty sure he’s played his last game as a Bull. But is this the last game of a great career? I wouldn’t be surprised. But it’s hard to tell if he’s really and truly washed up or if it’s just injuries and Thibodeau’s lunacy. He…
Read MoreJarrett Jack 20 Points Full Highlights (5/14/2013)
Jarrett Jack should punch his parents in the face for naming him such a stupid name. “Jarrett Jack”. It sounds like the cross between a B-list country singer’s stage name and the name of a cowboy-themed professional wrestler, with a dash of social-security-dependent hick living in a trailer park whose wardrobe consists of nothing but…
Read MoreManu Ginobili 21 Points Full Highlights (5/12/2013)
Longtime readers of my descriptions may notice that I am preoccupied with the concept of race. That couldn’t be further from the truth. Race doesn’t exist. It is simply the nature of our feeble primate brains to compartmentalize other humans based on criteria such as their skin tone and facial proportions. We must transcend the…
Read MoreMarco Belinelli 16 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (5/10/2013)
Dear Marco, I’m sorry I broke into your house and ate all your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Everyone makes mistakes. Also, if you could send me your real crostini recipe that would be great. The one I stole from your house sucks. I think you planted it so that I would not discover the genuine recipe….
Read MoreCarlos Boozer 21 Points Full Highlights (5/10/2013)
Carlos Boozer @MisterCBooz 11 May just cuz my name is carlos dont mean im hispanic smh #smh Carlos Boozer @MisterCBooz 11 May damn @NazrMohammed just went fuckin crazy lol #terrorists #alqaeda Carlos Boozer @MisterCBooz 11 May @carmeloanthony my jumpers taste like honeynut cheerios cuz guess where my hands been #tunatown Carlos Boozer @MisterCBooz 11 May…
Read MoreNorris Cole 18 Points Full Highlights (5/8/2013)
More NBA players should have semi-unique hairstyles like Norris Cole and his flattop. I get tired of seeing the same shaved look all the time. Think about how cool someone like LeBron would look with ass-length dreads. Or Wade with a big poofy afro. Or Bosh with a Beatles-style bowl cut. They’d still call them…
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