It took a while, but Andrew Wiggins has finally lost his P-Card. It’s a similar concept to the V-Card, except instead of sexual encounters it involves totally postering the crap out of people. We all knew he could do this. How could he not, when he has such freakish athleticism? It was only a matter…
Read MoreShabazz Napier 18 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (2/20/2015)
It seems kind of weird to say this, but we are now able to say the following sentence in reference to Shabazz Napier: “Starting point guard for a playoff team.” Isn’t that wild? I agree. It IS wild! We could perhaps modify the sentence to add “by default”, but let’s not discourage the young fellow….
Read MoreAron Baynes 14 Points Full Highlights (2/19/2015)
Aron Baynes carefully reapplied the Ratt poster to the wall of the bus. “Okay Steve. I think the Baynes Bus is ready to roll again.” Steve, the driver of Aron’s “Baynes Bus”, looked over at the hulking New Zealander. “Man, those posters look gay as hell. Cinderella? Twisted Sister? Winger? What kind of loser would…
Read MoreAnthony Morrow 16 Points Full Highlights (2/19/2015)
I guess it’s time to give out some midseason awards, now that the All-Star break has come and gone. I won’t bore you with most of the winners; there is only one that is pertinent to this video. The winner for the “Most Incessantly Hyped-Up Player” category is: Anthony Morrow! When he’s not freaking out…
Read MoreToney Douglas 15 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (2/11/2015)
Toney “Baloney” Douglas is just the next in a succession of point guards that the Pelicans are trying out for the backup spot. And boy, is it an ugly list: -Russ Smith (literally who?) -Austin Rivers (had to be rescued by his dad because the Celtics were going to send him to the D-League) -Jimmer…
Read MoreJason Smith 25 Points Full Highlights (2/11/2015)
In a previous description I stated that Andrea Bargnani was better than Jason Smith. I would like to issue a retraction for that little nugget of misguided garbage. This Jason Smith dude just put together a game that would give prime Raptors Bargnani a hardon if Bargnani hadn’t already been made impotent by the spermicidal…
Read MoreHassan Whiteside 17 Points Full Highlights (2/11/2015)
Some people have been asking, if Hassan Whiteside keeps up this level of play until his next contract, will he get the max? in DownToBuck’s not-humble-at-all opinion, this is a magnificently stupid question. These people are not thinking big enough. You could ask, “if Hassan Whiteside plays like this for the next few years, will…
Read MoreLuke Babbitt 15 Points/1 Dunk Full Hairlights (2/11/2015)
“Our power is growing. I can feel it,” said Luke Babbitt, seemingly talking to an empty locker room. “It is as I told you. The longer I get, the better you shoot,” replied Luke’s hair. “Monty, the vile minutes-reducer, will pay dearly for his insolence. When you were benched, I could feel the anger glowing…
Read MoreTimofey Mozgov 20 Points Full Highlights (2/11/2015)
Cavaliers’ record without Timofey Mozgov: 19-17. With Mozgov: 14-4. The defense rests, your honor. Cleveland may or may not have overpaid (alright let’s face it they drastically overpaid) for Mozgod’s services, but you cannot argue with results. He has filled a huge bear-shaped hole in the Cavaliers’ roster, with his defense and bigness. Unfortunately, we’ve…
Read MoreJ.J. Barea 22 Points Full Highlights (2/11/2015)
JJ Barea stood on the sandy beach, his eyes closed, facing the direction of the reflected moon on the shimmering water. The darkening twilight and ocean mist alike shrouded him in the mystique of his native land, Puerto Rico. He took a deep breath of the breeze, and relished its salty tang. This was his…
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