Attention NBA GMs: This is the Seth Curry that you can expect if you acquire him for your own basketball squad. Some of the things you will get include: -The hype that comes with having a Curry on your team -Three-point shooting -Other forms of scoring should you desire them -Playmaking -But only if you…
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Allen Crabbe 21 Points Full Highlights (3/28/2016)
Is Allen “Crabbey Patty” Crabbe the shooting guard of the future for the Blazers? Let’s do a quick rundown of the checklist: -Is a shooting guard -Is on the Blazers -Has traveled back in time from the future -Is in possession of one or more artifacts from the future, including but not limited to laser…
Read MoreIan Mahinmi Career High 19 Points Full Highlights (3/27/2016)
Apparently nobody cares when Ian Mahinmi scores an uncommonly large (for him) amount of points. That’s okay, you can’t make people care about things they don’t care about. However, for Ian’s benefit, I have compiled a list of the things that Mahinmi would have to do in-game in order for people to pay attention to…
Read MoreOmer Asik 15 Points Full Highlights (3/20/2016)
REASONS WHY OMER ASIK’S CONTRACT MAYBE ISN’T SO GOOD: -He’s getting paid eleven million this season and the next three after. Then, he gets paid fourteen million -He’ll be 32 at the end of his contract and he’s barely mobile now. Imagine how slow he’ll be in his thirties -Nobody is trading for that contract…
Read MoreJamal Crawford 26 Points Full Highlights (2/29/2016)
I have wondered in the past if Jamal Crawford had it in him to hit the 20,000-points mark for his career, which, depending on your opinion of Tom Chambers, would make him the worst player ever to score that many. It seemed in doubt at the beginning of the season, with him looking like he…
Read MoreLance Stephenson 16 Points Grizzlies Debut Full Highlights (2/21/2016)
With some recent trades, the Grizzlies have become a notably violent team. Let’s take look at a quick rundown of their transgressions, presented in alphabetical order for clarity. Jordan Adams: Punched a dude in the face Tony Allen: Punched O.J. Mayo while on an airplane Chris Andersen: Punched a bird to gain its power Matt…
Read MoreJonas Valanciunas 25 Points Full Highlights (2/19/2016)
Since it might not be clear to the lesser-informed fans out there, let’s make a list of reasons why Jonas Valanciunas only gets 26 minutes per game: -Three fouls per 36 is just way, way too much. I asked Dwayne Casey about this and he said “I hate Jonas Valanciunas” -Valanciunas is not an efficient…
Read MoreJeff Teague 24 Points Full Highlights (2/7/2016)
Jeff Teague is one of those players I ignore for no reason. However, a few things have conspired against me on this day to cause me to stop ignoring him, at least temporarily: -Nobody else has made Jeff Teague highlights -There were only four games last night and the highlight pickings are slim -He had…
Read MoreAvery Bradley 25 Points Full Highlights (2/7/2016)
Chronological list of times where Avery Bradley looked up to the heavens and said “Thanks, Lord”: November 26, 1990: Born August 13, 1996: Was treated to a huge banana split by his uncle Lenny. January 1, 2000: The TV didn’t instantly shut off the second the new millennium began. September 11, 2001: Wasn’t in the…
Read MoreRodney Hood 24 Points Full Highlights (1/27/2016)
Rodney Hood: shooting guard of the future for the Jazz? Let’s take a look at the facts: -It is almost assured that he will still be alive in four or five years, which is the “future” as any accomplished chronomancer would tell you -The Jazz have his option or bird rights or something I don’t…
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