After days of communications with my contacts in the Toronto area, organizing secret raids and implementing wiretaps, I have finally gotten a hold of a list of Greivis Vasquez’ new years resolutions. I also have a lot more information about Greivis that I’m not going to share due to its highly personal nature. Lets just…
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Nikola Mirotic 13 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2014)
With Jabari Parker out for the season, the race for Rookie of the Year has just been busted wide open. None of the rookies so far are impressing with raw stats, so the winner will have to possess intangibles to make him appealing to the voters. Nikola Mirotic has a bunch of ’em, presented here…
Read MoreCarl Landry 14 Points Full Highlights (12/16/2014)
Previously I had thought that you needed to accomplish something major before you did a biceps-flexing pose. It turns out I was mistaken! As Carl Landry illustrates, even minor successes can be celebrated in this manner. For example, if you rip away a rebound from somebody, then do a drop-step and elevate six inches off…
Read MoreRasual Butler 23 Points/2 Dunks Full Highlights (12/16/2014)
This is getting re-goddamn-diculous. I don’t even WANT to make Rasual Butler highlights. Nobody cares about this old man. Nobody ever did. But he scored 23 points, and he’s a total scrub, so guess what? I’m making Rasual Butler highlights. And now I’m writing a Rasual Butler description. I guess I’ll just throw some Rasual…
Read MoreMason Plumlee 18 Points/6 Dunks Full Highlights (12/12/2014)
Brook Lopez is a total offensive stud, but he isn’t what the Nets need right now. They need to trade him for a ragtag assortment of four or so players, then start Plumlee. The Masonic Temple has given us several reasons why he is better than the fragile Broke Lopez: -Regularly catches lobs -Durable; Lopez…
Read MoreJosh McRoberts 14 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights (12/7/2014)
Josh “McRawbits” McRoberts isn’t doing all that well since he left Charlotte. Meanwhile, Charlotte isn’t doing that well since McRoberts left them. Was not re-signing McBobs this year’s biggest offseason blunder? Not quite. Let’s take a look at some bigger ones: -Pistons didn’t trade Greg Monroe, now SVG plays Josh Smith at PF and brings…
Read MoreTyson Chandler 18 Points Full Highlights (12/3/2014)
Everything about this Mavs team seems destined for success. It’s exactly the narrative that the NBA would have written if they were given free reign to do so. Tyson Chandler reunites with the player formerly known as Dirk Nowinski to again attain the magic that allowed them to win it all in 2011. They’ve even…
Read MoreRodney Stuckey 24 Points Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
I’m sure that when Rodney escaped the cursed realms of the Detroit Pistons, he thought that he was exiting a bad situation for a good one. Then, Paul George’s knee spontaneously detonated, and, just like that, the Pacers sucked too! Rodney is just one unlucky guy. He is so unlucky, in fact, that I have…
Read MoreJeff Teague 26 Points/7 Assists Full Highlights (11/28/2014)
I don’t make Jeff Teague highlights as often as I probably should. The reason for this is threefold: -Doing point guards is lame because you have to get all their assists -Jeff Teague always scores too many points -I don’t even really like Jeff Teague anyway -(bonus fourth reason) he shoots too many layups, which…
Read MoreShabazz Muhammad 17 Points/3 Dunks Full Highlights
Do not be deceived by my YouTube-enabled trickery. Shabazz Muhammad did not have a particularly good game on this outing. 6-of-15 shooting is not a very good mark, although his three dunks were a “SICK SHOW!!!!!” Bazz still only has one move, and if he ever wants to be a consistent scorer, he needs more…
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