How does Corey Brewer survive the notoriously cold Minnesota winters? He’s so emaciated that he would probably freeze to death just stepping outside. Even the vaunted long underwear-tshirt-sweater-jacket combo probably wouldn’t provide enough protection from the bitter temperatures, and he would enter a hypothermic coma within seconds. One day we’re going to see a sad…
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Gorgui Dieng 15 Points/15 Rebounds Full Highlights (3/26/2014)
“Wait up, Nikola!” Gorgui yelled, running after the lumbering, hulking Montenegrin. He tried to remember the advice that Corey Brewer had given him. What was it he had said? Something about not talking enough smack, being too kind. “Hey, Gorgui, what up?” Nikola asked, turning around to face his teammate. “You want go slam some…
Read MoreGorgui Dieng Career High 12 Points/5 Blocks Full Highlights (3/16/2014)
Gorgui Dieng just got a career high in pretty much everything: points with 12, rebounds with 11, blocks with 5, and steals with 2. The 5 blocks were the most impressive thing. These weren’t wimpy blocks where he barely grazed the ball or stripped the ball as the shooter was going up. These were MAN…
Read MoreJJ Barea 19 Points Full Highlights (3/11/2014)
I like to use my expert internet-browsing skills to gauge the general opinion of a player on social media, in order to paint a more complete picture of him in these descriptions. People don’t really like JJ Barea. I think this is because Puerto Ricans on the whole are underrepresented on social media compared to…
Read MoreKevin Martin 26 Points Full Highlights (3/1/2014)
The Timberwolves have disappointed yet again. Their fans will claim that injuries are the main culprit. They may be right. But when you start mentioning how long Chase Budinger has been out you sound really desperate. You don’t see me blaming the Bucks’ record on Pachulia’s injury. I can see their point, though, at least…
Read MoreShabazz Muhammad Career High 20 Points Full Highlights (2/25/2014)
Shabazz Muhammad sat sullenly in his posh Minneapolis condo. He was bored. He had already maxed out his NBA 2K14 MyPlayer, and he had no other games for his console. He hadn’t anticipated needing any others. The flat-screen TV had already been exhaustively searched for quality programming and was currently off. Hundreds upon hundreds of…
Read MoreGorgui Dieng 8 Points/3 Blocks Full Highlights (2/22/2014)
Gorgui Dieng is one of those players who you see playing in college and you think “damn that guy looks pretty big and his defensive potential is probably so sick I want him on my team thank you”. And then you never hear about him again because he sucks and his only skill is being…
Read MoreAlexey Shved 11 Points/1 Huge Dunk Full Highlights (2/10/2014)
Alexey, despondent during a blowout not in the Timberwolves favor, walked back onto the court with sadness. Suddenly, his teammate Ricky Rubio approached him with some words of advice. “Change this face, be happy, enjoy!” Ricky urged, patting him on the shoulder. After glaring at him for a second, Alexey couldn’t help but smile at…
Read MoreShabazz Muhammad Career High 12 Points Full Highlights (2/8/2014)
Anthony Bennett sucking at a historic level has deflected a lot of criticism from a bunch of under-performing rookies. Take Shabazz Muhammad. He hasn’t done anything this year; as the 14th pick, you would expect at least a little something. But I haven’t heard a peep regarding the Wolves wasting their pick. This is surprising….
Read MoreRonny Turiaf 14 Points/4 Dunks/3 Blocks Full Highlights (1/27/2014)
OFFICIAL SMELLIEST PLAYERS IN THE NBA ACCORDING TO AMAR’E POWER RANKINGS: 1: Ronny Turiaf 2: Boris Diaw I don’t really think that’s fair though. Every NBA player smells bad after a game. As an inside reporter who spends his fair share of time hidden in NBA locker rooms, I’d have to say that the stench…
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