New Orleans Pelicans – Page 36

Tyreke Evans 17 Points/8 Assists Full Highlights (1/23/2015)

I relaxed in my basketball-shaped in-ground hot tub, enjoying the sublime duality of frigid winter air on my chest and steaming water on my lower half. Just as I was getting ready to indulge in some fine puffy Cheetos, my phone rang. A little bit irked, I pick it up and snapped, “DownToBuck here.” “Yo…

Alexis Ajinca Career High 22 Points Full Highlights (1/18/2015)

Alexis Ajinca has straight gangstered the last two games. However, for a guy named after the most dominant leader in all of antiquity, Alexander the Great, this is to be expected. With such a powerful and conquering nominal lineage, anything less than a constant display of post move prowess would be a disappointment. Did you…

Alexis Ajinca 16 Points Full Highlights (1/16/2015)

There must be some large flaw to Alexis Ajinca’s game that I’m not seeing. He gets only the most meager of backup center minutes, despite his seeming ability to score in a variety of ways and provide some defense. Is his conditioning still really bad? You wouldn’t think so, since he’s been on the Pelicans…

Jimmer Fredette 13 Points/5 Assists Full Highlights (1/16/2015)

By luck or by skill, I have created, with this video thumbnail, a perfect new logo for the NBA! Note to the NBA: take out the Ilyasova head before using. The blue and the red represent the current logo colors of the NBA, and also the glorious colors of the USA’s proud flag which flies…

Ryan Anderson 22 Points Full Highlights (1/2/2015)

Ryan Anderson looked with concern at the large amount of weaponry presented to him. “Oh, uh, I didn’t really expect all this, you know. Maybe I was just going to have a talk with the guy.” “Just talk with the Smoothie King? Don’t make me laugh.” The extremely fat black man, who had revealed himself…

Jimmer Fredette 14 Points Full Highlights (12/31/2014)

The Pelicans’ coach, Monty Williams, said before the season that Jimmer Fredette had the green light. Was he just screwing with us? That was a weird thing to say, normally an underperformer like Jimmer wouldn’t be given carte blanche to shoot any shot he wanted on a new team. And he hasn’t. So why did…

Jrue Holiday 21 Points/6 Assists Full Highlights (12/30/2014)

The Pelicans are making me look stupid. I keep saying that they’re a dark horse for the WCF, but they’re always hovering around .500 and they’re going to be lucky to sneak into the playoffs. What needs to happen is for Anthony Davis to break out even further than he has already broken. It would…

Dante Cunningham 16 Points Full Highlights (12/18/2014)

This is what Dante Cunningham does. He shoots long jumpers. He might have other aspects of his game which are above average; if he does, I don’t know about them. His long-two launching ability is matched by few. It only makes sense, then, that he’d attempt to add a corner three to his arsenal. It’s…

Ryan Anderson 28 Points/6 Threes Full Highlights (12/16/2014)

“You think you can just go waltzing through our neighborhood, punk?” Ryan Anderson drifted in and out of consciousness. He could not respond, even if he had the mental acumen to do so; he was bound and gagged, laying on the rough hardwood floor of some abandoned New Orleans house. “I said, you think you…

Dante Cunningham 13 Points Full Highlights (12/14/2014)

Dante “Crafty Pork” Cunningham found himself out of the league for a little bit while he dealt with some false domestic abuse charges. Well, soon he might again find himself out of a job once the cops get wind of his fondness for “defender abuse”. I actually called up the local police and told them…