I relaxed in my basketball-shaped in-ground hot tub, enjoying the sublime duality of frigid winter air on my chest and steaming water on my lower half. Just as I was getting ready to indulge in some fine puffy Cheetos, my phone rang. A little bit irked, I pick it up and snapped, “DownToBuck here.”
“Yo man, whose thingy do I gotta suck to get highlights on your channel? Your thingy or someone else’s?”
The angry voice on the other end of the line took me aback, but I recovered quickly. “No sucking required, man. Who is this?”
“You know damn well who it is.”
I racked my brain trying to think of players that I had purposefully, or unknowingly, ignored in my two and a half years as a highlight compiler. “DeMar DeRozan?”
The voice on the other end somehow got even madder. “No you idiot, Tyreke Evans.”
“Oh, yes, Mr. Evans,” I said. “I once attempted to make a video featuring your twenty-point performance against the Blazers last year, and the viewing public regarded it with only the mildest interest. Since that ill-fated foray into Tyreke videos, I have been loath to attempt it again.”
“Fifty thousand. That’s my final offer. Take it or leave it.”
“Done.” Our business finished, I hung up the phone and lifted myself out of the hot tub. After a quick rubdown with the towel, I pattered to my computer desk to get back to work.